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Just like the insane zooming, the future is only going to be as big as we make it and though it will only go as far as it could go - it feels enough. 'Our' future, though just several tomorrows ahead, is still undefined outside of the 'our' precipice. It's as mysterious as it ever was and yet now - more daunting. There is a naked beauty here. Plain, simple, and dramatic. A beauty that can never be anybody else's. This is definitely one of those beauties that we come across in our lives that are few and far in between. And they are the things that make life what it is. The red pill. The pre-marital hanky panky. The apple pie.

I am happy that so far, things are going great. Oh how wonderful everything has been. I really am enjoying life. I really am marvelling at the vastness of our little life. The simple greatness of it all makes me wonder of what I may have managed to accomplish in my life. To deserve all this, to be living like I am now, to have these little things around me... It's almost surreal to me. And yet - I wake up in the morning (or afternoon) to this. If I chose the blue pill, well then. Maybe the fairytale is just so much more prefered than reality.

So yes - there are still the things that has always bothered me. But I feel so removed from it all. I have been for a while now. I feel so much like a part of something far more grand than I ever dared imagine. Oh, how wonderful it is to FEEL like a part of something! Never have I been appreciated before like I am now. Is that what I've bee looking for all along? No... This is different. Although it is nice to be acknowledged, there is this new luxury of want. I want to learn to touchtype. This is the farthest I've gotten in those damn exercises. I am actually typing this in touchtype. I actually am learning photoshop. And all the little steps I am making seem so monumental to me. So grandiose! And every little thing is all me and at the same time, not really. There definitely is something to be said about the life well lived. I feel so much livelier and slowly, I am realizing who I am. And that is just so freeing! I can't express just how fulfilling each day seems now...

Accepting my anger and embracing my own choices... There is a commitment that can't be... Is it sad that these things are all so new to me?