24 and Changes

I just turned 24 the other day, and though I don't feel any differently, at the back of my mind is a mind numbing sense of time- wasted and otherwise. Complete with a strange mix of achievement, defeat, life, future and the lack of one, and apathy, I feel stranded in limbo, and it's the apathy that scares me.

I should say firstly that I am privileged to live the lifestyle that I am living now. And I do appreciate it- I appreciate everything. The fact that I am where I am despite where and what I came from. But my feelings about this lack of sense of self is outside of everything else.

I don't really know... where this is going.

Stephen gave me a magic mouse for my birthday, though I told him why I didn't want one anymore... It's a pretty cool mouse, though it is irritatingly grating on my desk, and therefore don't use it much. It is a pretty awesome mouse. I thought I would be able to pinch zoom on it, but instead I still have to hold control. Which is bull.

I am probably too angry to be making this entry now. I am angry that I can't read like a normal person, angry that my book is written really annoyingly, and I am just full of stress and the lack of time to burn on studying and restudying these simple things coupled with my empty and alone state of being hasn't helped matters much.