Some edited bits; mostly still the first draft as of Sept 2, 2010

Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000167 EndHTML:0000263303 StartFragment:0000000454 EndFragment:0000263287

Chapter 1

Devon May Seron. Campus sweetheart. Malambing, bubbly, masayahin, one of the brightest students, at certified campus beauty sa school niya. Always with a bright smile sa kabila ng mga problems sa buhay, madali saying kaibiganin. Sino ba'ng nag akalang makakapasok siya sa PBB house? Sa totoo lang, nagkayayaan lang naman kung bakit siya napasama sa auditions. Conservative siya at medyo mahiyain, kaya inayawan niya ang mga udyok ng mga ate niya at kabarkada. Pero ang tao nga naman. Kapag ang isang idea ay naitanim na sa isip, mahirap na tong mabura. Kaya nung nagkaroon siya ng idea na matutulungan niya ang pamilya niya sa pamamagitan ng PBB, she went all out and did her best.

Para sa kanya, that's the ticket to her dreams. Para sa mga magulang niya. Para sa mga ate niya. Para sa future niya. She entered the house for all the practical reasons and the best intentions, and left with a little more than she bargained for. She carried with her from the house, life lessons. Aside from the prize money she received, she walked away with life long friends. Pero in the end, showbiz is showbiz.

From the start kung anu-ano nang insulto ang binato sa kanya. Nangyaring ipagkalat pa na sumalangit na ang kaluluwa niya. Nalait na mula kilikili, kulay ng balat, choice sa pananamit, at pananalita niya. Humantong pa nga sa puntong pati pamilya niya eh pinapatos narin. Pero, damn! Ang tapang niya. She persevered and pushed through. Walang epekto sa kanya ang kanegahan ng mga tao sa tabi-tabi. Kung meron man, ay hindi na niya ito iniinda. Iba na nga naman talaga ang may inspirasyon sa buhay.

***

Napangiti si Ivan habang inaalala ang mga huling araw nila sa PBB house. Sa mga flashbacks na naalala niya from their stay at the infamous house, napa-haplos sa brasong dati'y laging nahahampas ng dalagang ngayon ay matalik na niyang kaibigan. Napalingon siya sa kinauupuan ng dalaga sa tabi nina Ann at Fritz sa couch. Good idea talaga ang housemates get together na ito, naibulong niya sa sarili, bago siya muling bumaling sa sineng pinanonood nila.

Inception.

Parang Inception talaga si Devon. Maraming aspeto tungkol sa kanya ang hindi mo basta-basta nababasa sa kanyang mukha. Masayahin siya, pero minsan, kung kailan siya tumatawa, saka pala siya nasasaktan. In a way, priviledged si Ivan, dahil siya ang kuya figure para kay Devon. Isa siya sa mga nakaka-alam sa mga action, drama, romance... pati narin heartbreaks nito.

At may comedy siyempre. As if on cue, napatili si Devon ng isang nakakaaliw na “Oh my gosh!” ng dahil sa eksena sa sine.

Si Devon kasi, kahit nasaasktan na – I'm ok parin ang mantra.

Tahimik lang ang plans today. Nung mga nakaraang get togethers, the other girls chose what the plans were. Clubbing, Bora, Ice skating… Devon wouldn't want to go, not her scene daw. Pero konting lambing lang, napapapayag din naman siya. She's so giving to everyone kahit alam niyang hindi siya mag-eenjoy. So last week, nang malaman ng grupo na lahat sila ay may off dahil sa conflicting schedules ng kanikaniyang projects, Ivan specifically asked her what she wanted to do, and insisted on it with everyone else. Maraming umayaw sa slumber party sa Tagaytay, boring daw ang slumber party, pambata. At may ilan namang busy din sa kani-kanilang mga raket. Kaya ito ngayon. Movie weekend-slash-slumber party, pero dahil sila-sila lang naman, eh sa pad na lang ni Ivan nila ginanap. They can't really go too far anyway dahil everyone's tired from consecutive taping days. So sa bahay lang. In a couple of days, balik work nanaman sila eh, and who knows when they'll get time off like this? This group in one weekend?

Where are the boys? Jenny's not here yet? Tumayo si Ivan.

“Saan ka punta?” Fritz asked.

“I'll just check on the others. Wala pa sila?” sagot ni Ivan.

“Bun texted. Maya pa daw sila dadating. May delay daw sa VTR taping ni Jenny and Ryan.”

Devon paused the movie. “Wait nalang natin sila. Baka mag-finish na tong movie wala pa sila.” she said, and laughed.

“They'll get here when they get here, then we can start another movie, or we can play this again.” suggested Ann na tila nayayamot. “Besides we've all seen this movie last year, diba?”

“No I haven't,” sambit ni Devon. Mga salitang tila wala rin lang nakapansin nang tumunog ang buzzer. Napatingin si Ivan kay Devon bago ito tumayo para patuluyin ang mga bagong dating na bisita. Narinig niya. Naintindihan niya ang mga salitang hindi na binulalas ng dalaga. Malaman ang mga salitang binitawan nito, alam niya. Pero hindi nanaman nagkaroon ng pagkakataong mapag-usapan pa nila ito.

Dahil sa buzzer.

Dahil nag-ring ang phone ni Devon.

Dahil masakit harapin.

Dahil ayaw niyang makitang lalo lang nasasaktan si Devon.

Dahil... Dahil maraming dahilan.

Dahil naipit si Devon sa sitwasyon.

Dahil pinili niyang maging mabuting kapatid at anak sa kanyang pamilya.

Dahil masyadong maraming dahilan.

Ivan smiled as Devon checked the caller ID then answered with a laugh “Heller. Akala ko ba tatawag ka mga 6, eh 9 na kaya.”

Fritz asked. “Sino?”

Devon mouthed 'Si Kyra.' and excused herself with a gesture to head to the kitchen.

Ann shimmied a bit to face Frits and asked, “Sino daw?”

Sumagot si Frits sabay dampot ng popcorn, “Kyra.”

At nagsimula ang kulitan.

Ann: Ah. Devs ask her if she wants to come join us! Hi Kyra!

Nagbungisngisan ang dalawa sa sofa.

Fritz: Hi Kyra! I miss you!

Ann: Hi Kyra! I love you!

Fritz: Hi Kyra! What's your name?

Ann: Hi Kyra! Wanna date me?

Fritz: Hi Kyra! Hu u?

Ann: Hi Kyra! Come to Italy!

Fritz: Hi Kyra! Hu dis?

Ann: Hi Kyra! I love you!

Fritz: Hi Kyra! OMG! I love you!

At saka naghagalpakan sa tawa.

Napatawa si Devon sa inaasal ng mga kaibigan at dahil narin sa naalala niya ang kinwento ni Kyra sa kanila dati, tungkol sa failed texter-suitor ni Kyra na siya ngayong kinu-quote ng dalawang dalaga sa sala.

Tumatawa pa ito bago siya mawala sa field of vision ng mga dalaga sa sala. Tumatawa pa siya bago siya dumaan sa may pader papunta sa bedrooms. Tumatawa pa siya nang pahapyaw niyang hinaplos ang braso ni Ivan bilang pamamaalam na pupunta siya sa kwarto. Tumatawa siya. Infectious, kumikinang pa ang mga mata niya. Punong-puno ng mirth...

The boys walked in with Jenny in tow, si Devon nasa guest bedroom para makaiwas sa ingay at maka-focus sa sinasabi ni Kyra sa telepono. Bret and Ivan went to the kitchen, Jenny took Devon's spot on the couch, and James lounged on the recliner against the wall.

“Hey! It's okay to love me, and if you want to ask me to date, atleast don't call me Kyra! I am not Kyra, why are you calling me Kyra? I'm Jenny! Sira ka ba?” hirit ni Jenny, natatawang na-iinis kuno. Nagbungisngisan ang tatlo.

Fritz hugged Jenny. “Jenny! Hindi! Si Devon is on the phone with Kyra so I said hi. You know naman na love kita eh.” she explained, kunwari'y naapektuhan sa reprimand ni Jenny habang niyayakap nito si Ann.

Si Jenny, na halatang hyper-mode ay naki-join narin. “Oh! Hi din Kyra! Are you coming? Are you on your way? You better come or I hate you na! No, I take it back! I love you! Please teach me how to dance and introduce me to John Prats! Don't forget the part about John Prats! Devon tell her that! I haven't been to ABS in 5 days. I'm having John Prats withdrawal from being on site all the time.” Devon is heard laughing at Jenny through the open door of the room. Muling dumagdag si Jenny “Hoy wag kang tumawa I'm serious! You better tell her my message!”

At sumagot naman si Devon ng sarcastic na “Opo Ms. Minchin. Este Jenny pala.”

“Hey! Jenny! You can not work in ABS anymore. Mr. M and Charo Santos said you fired!” asar-talong singit ni Ryan. Selos diumano kay John Prats.

“You learn to dance muna before you complain about John Prats. Otherwise I can't take you seriously.” ang nanggagatong na sagot ni Jenny.

Ivan and Bret, who were in the kitchen to put the food the new comers brought in bowls just shook their heads. These sorts of things have become typical behaviour they have come to accept, and quite got used to. Nasanay na sila. Si James na pagod nanaman at wala masyadong imik, ang mga girls na aakalain mong mga tahimik at malambing ay maingay nanaman na naghaharutan. Ganun lang talaga.

Nagka-unspoken conversation si Ivan at Bret. Mainit ang ulo ng kaibigan nila, and they decidedly gave him some space. Bungisngisan ang mga girls sa couch at hindi rin ito pinansin dahil parang hindi na nagbago ang mood niya tuwing magkakasama sila. Sa kabila ng maasim na mood ni James, it was looking like it was gonna be such a nice night dahil ang James factor ay hindi na bago.

“Oi girls, Bawal ang hyper dito. Bun, Nikaon ba ka ug daghang sugar?” Biro ni Bret sa kasintahan.

“Wala ui. Popcorn only.” sagot ni Fritz.

“It's only Jenny who's hyper. Nikaon ng too much cake. Hahaha.” Sambit ni Ann. She grabbed the remote. “Devooooon! I-pplay ko na to. Hurry na!”

“Devon!” tawag ni Fritz.

Walang sagot.

“Bebe Devs!” tawag uli ni Jenny.

Devon called out “Sige, um. Just play it.”

Ann tentatively pressed the button. She was expecting Devon to scream, 'Nooo!' and come rushing back to join them. Yung typical Devon. Masayahin, makulit, simpleng pasaway. But the way Devon responded surprised her instead. Something was not right. She hit play as an act of defiance. Minsan lang ang mga gabing ganito. Pero parang biglang natapos na ang asaran at kulitan ng walang nakakapansin.

“You sure, bebe?” tawag ni Ivan from the kitchen.

“Yeah. Yeah. Ok lang. Sorry guys, wait lang I can't hear Kyra.” sagot ni Devon habang sinasara ang pinto. “I'll just borrow the DVD later?” pahabol at nagmamadaling dagdag niya sabay sara ng pintuan.

Nag-alala agad si Ivan at nilapag ang basahang ginagamit sa counter bago pumunta sa guestroom. Kinatok niya ang pinto at kinausap ang dalaga. “Devs, is everything alright?” tanong niya.

Naka-ramdam ng tension ang housemates at nanahimik silang lahat. The movie kept playing in the background, ignored, while on edge silang lahat. They waited for Ivan to come join them again, the sure sign that all is well – pero medyo natagalan ito. Hindi na kailangang sabihin pa. May problema nga, at alam na nilang lahat na hindi ito simpleng kadramahan. Si Devon pa? Si Devon na never nagpa importante, never nag inarte, at never nagdrama sa kanila? Minsan nga, buwan na ang nakakalipas bago pa may makarating sa kanilang problema ni Devon. Ayaw na ayaw ni Devon ang maging pabigat sa kahit kanino.

Lahat sila ay natigilan. Pero si James, parang wala lang sa sarili. Malayo ang tingin at parang hindi naiinda ang mga kasama.

“Guys, just lock-up when you leave.” sabi ng biglang sulpot na si Ivan. “You can give the key to the guard na lang.” dagdag nito habang binibigay kay Bret ang susi, at tumalikod na siya para isuot ang kanyang sapatos. “I'll just pick it up from the desk when I get back.”

“Wait, what happened?” nag-aalalang tanong ni Bret.

“It's Shey. She-” Ivan started,

“Kuya, let's go...” udyok ni Devon. Tahimik, parang nadudurog ang puso. Parang gusto nang umiyak pero nilalabanan lamang ang bugso ng damdamin.

James missed whatever was said but he heard it all. The difference in Devon's voice, the emotional torture that slight change entailed. Disregarding his initial plan to be decidedly aloof, he looked up only to see the leaving figures just past the closing door. And just like that, party's over. Another thing to keep them apart.

Chapter 2

Fritchie: Devs, what happened? Where are you? We'll follow.

Fritchie: Devs, please respond naman. Where are you? What happened ba? We'll follow.

VJBretchie: Hey, bakit dili ka mag reply? Saan na ka? Magsunod na kamo.

VJBretchie: Ivan, dude, what's going on?

Worried na din ang iba pang magkakaibigan. Mga isang oras din silang nag-antay ng reply.

Devon: it's Ivan. We're at St. Lukes. Shey was in a car accident. Still in the ER. Devon is with Kyra in the waiting room. April and Joe are on their way, the others don't know yet.

VJBretchie: Fritz and I will be there soon. Ryan and Jenny should be closer to you guys than we are, so they'll be there sooner. Go back inside, man. I'll text the rest.

Devon: Thanks. Devon is a wreck. She needs us.

***

As awesome as it must be for everyone to be friends with all of the housemates, that was not the case. There were cliques, and some got along better with others, and well, the Big8, the last 8 housemates in the house were admittedly closer to each other than the rest. But there was also something to be said about being a fellow housemate, close or not, there was still a bond there. Devon, though close to the Big8, shared a special friendship with Kyra and Shey. Which was the reason there was such a thing as the Big8 + 2... The Big8 + Shey and Kyra. And after the recent events, this was another needless heartache for Devon.

***

James' car was parked by the gate of the Seron household. If there was a name for somebody who was waiting patiently while being incredibly impatient – that name might be James Reid yet. When they left Ivan's pad, he drove home fuming, decided he didn't want to be there, then drove to Devon's house in a daze. Upon getting there, he wondered why was he there anyway? He really didn't know either. He grabbed his iPhone4 to text Devon.

***

“We have a gift for you guys...” she said at the Meet and Greet. And mere thanks felt so lack luster in comparison to their generosity.

***

“I still can't believe they actually got us iPhone 4s!” James excitedly said to Devon as he walked her and her mom to a cab. Her sisters and dad already caught a different cab. “Sorry I can't drive you. I gotta go shopping for tomorrow.”

“Huy. Okay lang no. We can take care of ourselves.” sagot ni Devon. She flashed a smile bago humirit ng “Sayang lang sa gas!” She laughed. “Sige.” She waved casually as the cab drove away.

***

“What do you mean you don't know how to use FaceTime?” muling kinulit ni James si Devon.

“I don't have wi-fi at home. FaceTime is pang wi-fi lang. Goodluck nalang sayo.” nang aasar na sagot ni Devon habang naglalakad papunta ng The Loop.

“Where are you going?” tanong ni James na humahabol.

“Edi kakain. I get hungry too, you know.” sarcastic na sagot ng dalaga. Tumatawa. Eyes sparkling. “Ikaw kasi, robot. Hindi nagugutom. So payatot.”

“Devon!” called one of the Gems at their usual table, at natigilan ang kakatawa ng dalaga.

“Ate D! How are you? -- Hello po. Kamusta po? -- Nice to meet you po... -- I'm fine naman po, kayo po?”

“Oh.” ang tanging nasabi ng binata sa joke ng dalaga, pero tuluyan na siyang di pinansin nito. Kinausap narin siya ng mga Gems, at naki-socialize narin siya, pero pabalik sa studio, nagdecide si James na hindi pa tapos ang usapan. Okay lang naman na nainterrupt ang usapan nila ng Gems. JaDe supporters. Nung una ay nakocornihan pa ang binata sa mga iba't ibang fandom. Pero nasanay narin siya. He grew to appreciate all the time and effort they put into showing their support and love.

***

James: We're not done yet. I wanna try out FaceTime.
Devon: Quit texting about that! All you say is FaceTime FaceTime FaceTime.

Devon: Pwede pa, FaceBuko. :D

James: Funny.

Devon: Thanks. I'm a regular comedian.

James: Well, I texted your sister.

Devon: Why??

James: I told her you're coming over tonight cause Lauren wants to see you.

Devon: Lauren wants to see me?

James: No, but she is in town, and your parents wont think I'm abducting you.

Devon: What the hell, you lied to my parents?

James: No, I lied to Dhemy.

Devon: That's the same thing! I can't believe you would do such a thing!

James: What's the big deal? It's already done.

James: Dhemy's not your parents.

Devon: I'm not going!

James: And tell them I cancelled, which I didn't.

James: So you'll lie to them?

James: I'm taking your lack of response as an affirmative on coming over after pack-up.

Devon: I hate you.

***

“Oh, hey Devon. What's up?” bati ng kapatid ni James na si Lauren habang hinuhubad ni Devon ang bag niya para ilapag sa mesa.

“Could be better, really. How are you? How long will you be around?” Devon said, specifically ignoring James, who asked her if she wanted anything to drink from the kitchen.

“Oh,” Lauren started, eyes darting between Devon and her brother. “well, I think just for a week actually.”

James asked Devon if she wanted some snacks, Devon ignored him and just smiled all the more intently at Lauren.

“I need to... start... my summer job... You know... Before school and all... Yeah” she finished awkwardly. Preoccupied sa obvious na isnabang nagaganap.

“You got a summer job? That's so cool!” sambit ni Devon. Genuine interest shone in her eyes. Napatingin si Lauren sa kapatid na lumapit na sa kanila at inabandona ang merienda.

“What the hell, Devon. You're still mad?” naiiritang tanong ni James from behind Devon. Kitang kita ni Lauren ang namumula sa inis na mukha ng kapatid.

Devon turned around to face him, at habang nasa likod ng bisitang dalaga, sinenyasan ni Lauren si James na huwag. Huwag nang gatungan kung anu pa man ang ikina-inis ng bisita nila.

Natigilan si James sa mukha ni Devon. In a split second, nagbago ang anyo ng mukha nito, from friendly interest, to complete animosity. “What do you think? Engot ka rin pala eh” came Devon's scathing words.

“What's the big deal? We're not gonna do anything wrong.” sagot ni James.

“You LIED.” sagot ni Devon. Nanlilisik ang mga mata. “You want to test FaceTime, fine.” she said, taking out her iPhone4 and placing it on the coffee table. “Here. Give it back when you're done.”

“What-- Wait-- What are you doing?” tanong ng binata habang muling sinusuot ng dalaga ang kanyang messenger bag.

“I,” sagot nito. “am LEAVING.” sabay ikot paalis. “Nakakainis ka. I thought you were smart. How wrong was I?”

“So wrong.” sambit ni Lauren, realizing her brother was in dire need of back-up. “James, give me your stupid phone.”

“What?” napatangang tanong ng binata.

“Give me your stupid phone!” utos ni Lauren, na sinunod na rin ni James half-heartedly. Lauren linked arms with Devon and led her to the patio. “Your not invited.” anito sa kapatid ng umakma itong sumunod.

“What the f---” naiinis na sabi ni James nang pinigilan siya ni Lauren.

“Shut your mouth and wait till I call you, you idiot.” she hissed at natigilan ang binata. Napilitan na lamang sumunod sa patakarang babae. Mas malala pa sa batas militar.

***

“Devon! Can I borrow your phone? Mine died.” James asked. “I gotta tell Bret we're already here.”

“So, go charge it.” she responded with a smirk. Namimilosopo.

“My charger is at the hotel room!” frustrated answer ng binata.

“Edi kunin mo. You're so lazy.” sagot ng dalaga.

“What the hell?” kunot noong sambit ng binata. “Fretz! Can I borrow your phone?” baling ng binata sa kaibigan.

“I'm sorry DD, I left mine in the hotel room.” sagot nito. Totoo namang iniwan na ng dalaga ang cell niya, pero naaliw din siyang panoorin kung paano inisin ni Devon ang binata.

James pulled his hair in frustration as Devon laughed to herself. Behind James, Ivan and Bret were walking towards their table. Devon signalled them to lag behind a bit, and they gladly obliged out of curiosity. James didn't notice because he was too busy griping.

“Here.” said Devon, as she handed him her phone. “Don't drop it.”

“I won't! Is that why you wouldn't lend it to me?” he asked, frustrated still as he looked for a familiar name in the messages folder.

Ayven Dorchnrr

Ya, we're on our way.

Fritchie

Where daw ang lunch plans?
Dhemyyyy

Remind Mama na inumin ang gamot niya.

SamC

Have fun din! See you Sunday sa ASAP.

Ms. Billet

I sent it in with Ivan na po.

Grr

Where are you guys? You're late.

“Grr?” he teased Devon. Devon blushed, but kept her cool.

“Hm?” pasimpleng tanong ng dalaga.

“Why is my ID on your phone Grr?” he asked, with a sly smile on his face that looked more like a confident smirk. “Grr? Really?”

“Wala, remember when we tested FaceTime? I changed it to Grr cause I was mad at you. You know, Grrrr!” anito, at umastang sasakalin ang binata.

“So why didn't you change it back?” usisa nito, tumatawa.

“Cause I didn't care to. I know who Grr was, and that was all that mattered really.” patay malisyang sagot ng dalaga.

“Oh really?” usisa ng lalaki. “Oh, really?”

Chapter 3

After that last memory, James remembered how he changed Devon's ID on his phone to Grrl that night, and that it had stayed like that since.

Grr: Are you home? I'm parked outside.

Grrl: Um, sorry, who is this?

Ouch. That was a stab at James' heart.

Grr: Is that really necessary?

Grrl: ? I just don't know who this is.

Grr: You have no idea how much that hurts.

Grrl: I'm just asking. This number is saved as Grr. Who is this? Do we know you?

We? There was another pang of pain for James.

Grr: How could you be so harsh?

Grrl: Look, please just let me know who this is.

Grr: This is Devon's number.

Grrl: It is! I just need to know who this is.

Grrl: Devon is notorious for creative contact names and I can't know what goes on in her mind at all ungodly times.

Grr: This is James.

Grr: Who is this?

Grrl: It's Ivan. Are you on your way?

Ouch. Ivan. Why does it always have to be you?

Grr: Devon is?

Grrl: We're at St. Lukes. The others are on their way. Didn't Bret text you?

Shit!

Grr: He's been calling, but I haven't been picking up. I'm on my way.

Grrl: Thanks a lot man. She needs us right now.

She needs us right now.

“She needs us right now...” bulong ni James sa sarili habang nagmamaneho. “She needs us right now...”

James sped away into the night. Full of panic and fear. Devon's face and her bright smile from that day when he first noticed her flashed in his mind. Devon, hold on. Wait for me. Wait for me, please.

***

“Hey. Any news yet?” asked Ivan as he handed Devon's cellphone to her when he got back. Devon looked up at Ivan as she took it. “You left it in the car, I already texted everyone cause cellphones aren't allowed in here.”

“Thanks.” Devon said meekly, automatically. Nasa ibang lugar na ang isipan niya, mabilis na nag iisip kung anong gagawin. Kung anong mga sasabihin.

“Parating na daw yung mommy ni Ate Shey.” Kyra offered, naluluha. Kakatapos lang din niya sa telepono. “Buti nalang pala hindi ako umuwi kina mama kanina, kung hindi wala siyang kasama ngayon.” she added referring to her friend, naiyak na ng tuluyan.

“Shhh. She'll be fine. Yun pa! E fighter yun. Don't worry. I-pray mo nalang yan.” Devon said quietly, purposefully. The pillar of strength. Hindi napigilan ni Ivan na maging proud sa kanya. Lalo lang itong humanga pa sa dalaga.

Minutes passed at dumating na din sina Ryan at Jenny. Ang usually loud pair ay unussually somber na naglakad patungo sa grupo. Ngumiti si Devon, at niyakap ni Ryan si Kyra.

“How is she?” Ryan asked. “She is ok, right?”

Bagama't hindi pa sigurado, tumango na lamang si Kyra, at tabi-tabi silang naupo sa may hallway papuntang ER.

***

Habang nagmamaneho si Bret ay paulit ulit na nagriring ang cellphone niya. Si Fretzie naman ay busy din sa kanyang sariling telepono na kinokontact ang mga iba pa nilang kaibigan. Nang matapos siya sa tawag ay sinagot niya ang cellphone ni Bret.

“Hello?”

Chapter 4

“Hello?” wika ni Fretzie habang hinahanap sa bag ang spare battery para sa kanyang pa-lowbatt na cellphone.

“What the hell happened? Why didn't anybody give me any details? Do you know which wing they're in?” pasigaw na salubong ng boses sa kabilang linya.

“Bun, si James.” Fretzie said, not bothering to respond to the irate James. Still wincing as she held the phone up for Bret, she started to skillfully change the battery on her phone with one hand step by step.

“Hey, Hey! Calm down! We're on our way too. I can't talk long cause I'm driving and--” at tuloy parin sa pagsigaw sa kabilang linya si James.

“James, -- what the hell buddy. -- Quit yelling at me! Yes, you're yelling. -- If you wanna be there, then be there. But don't be such a – No. Stop. Seriously. -- We don't need you to make things worse! Stop being such a downer! What the eff. -- Okay, whatever James. You are not making any sense. -- We're almost there! Ten minutes tops. -- You weren't picking up! -- Whatever, man. You are hysterical at best. Take a freakin' chill pill! -- I said quit yelling! -- Whatever. I'm hanging up.” at pinindot na ni Fretzie ang end button at sandaling nanahimik ang magkasintahan.

“I don't understand why he suddenly cares so much about Shey.” usal ni Bret.

“I think bun, he thinks it's not Shey.” ang empathic response ni Fretzie.

“What?” ang sagot ng equally emotionally dense na si Bret.

“Call it women's intuition na lang.” sagot ni Fretzie na tila inaabangan ang kada street light na madaanan nila. “I think he's under the impression na it's...”

“Devon...” usal ng binata. “But why?”

Mga ilang minuto ring walang kibo ang dalawa na parehong di na pinansin ang ring ng ring na cellphone. Di rin naman nila pwedeng basta nalang itong patayin dahil may mga ibang kaibigan ding sa kanila lang pwedeng makacontact. Maka ilang minuto pa ay tumila ang walang tigil na kakaring ng telepono. Pero tahimik parin ang dalawa hanggang makarating na sila sa ospital.

Sa parking lot, hindi agad bumaba ng sasakyan ang dalawa.

“I know that James is your bestfriend, Bun. He's my friend too. But he can't be like this. Specially around Devon. Not now.”

“I know.” sagot ng binata.

“Whatever got in his head? Did anybody tell him something happened to Devon?” nagtatakang tanong ni Fretzie.

“I don't know either. I doubt it.”

Hindi umimik ang dalaga. Nag-iisip.

“He was at Ivan's. He must've noticed Devon was there... he couldn't think it's Devon.”

Hindi parin umimik ang dilag.

“There's no reasonable grounds for him to think so.” konklusyon ni Bret.

“Do you really think that, Bun? Si James, he hasn't been logical around Devon.” ang malungkot na saad ni Fretzie. Kung tutuusin, marami ngang nangyari na hindi rin alam ni Bret. Si Devon kasi, kinarir na yata nito ang pagiging kimkim queen, at ang pagiging gold medalist at long time record holder ng tiis guild.

At may mga bagay-bagay talaga na sikretong pambabae. Hindi pwedeng ishare ke sa boyfriend o kung kanino man. Usapang magkaibigan lang.

Naisip ni Fretzie, minsan, si Devon, bigla nalang itong bubuhos. Parang dam na biglang nagrelease. One time last year, nakita niya si Devon na nakatayo lang sa veranda ng hotel room nila, buong akala nito ay tulog na ang lahat. Akala ni Fretzie ay nagpapahangin lamang ang kaibigan nang magdesisyon siyang samahan ito. Saka niya lang napansin na umiiyak na pala ang kaibigan at judging sa mugtong mga mata niya ay matagal-tagal narin siyang umiiyak. Nung tinanong ni Fretzie kung ok lang ba siya, parang napilitang magkwento si Devon sa kaibigan. Dala narin siguro ng bigat ng dinadala at pangangailangan ng release...

Pero ang kilos at boses niya, as casual as could possibly be parin... habang ang luha ay walang tigil sa pag-agos. Nung mga panahong natatakot siya kung makakaya pa ba niya. Nung mga panahong inaalala niya ang kalagayan ng kanyang ina. Nung mga panahong kinukulang ang kumpiyansa niya sa sarili dahil sa pambabatikos at mga nakakasakit na salitang ibinabato sa kanya.

“I gotta call him.” sagot ng binata na tila natauhan din mula sa sariling pagmumuni-muni, sabay dampot sa cellphone. “We gotta get going too. They're waiting for us.” Tumango ang dalaga at binuksan na lamang ang sariling pinto dahil ang kasintahan ay busy ding tinatawagan si James.

Deep in thought, punong-puno ng pag aalala ang isip ni Fretzie. Inaalala niya ang kaibigan. Kung sa bagay, mas maayos na siya ngayon. She has some money saved up para makapag-aral ang mga ate niya hanggang makatapos, may scholarship siya, at okay narin ang nanay niya. Pero ni minsan ay hindi naman nawala sa kanya ang pag-aalala. Alam naman niyang tumatanda na ang mga magulang niya at naiintindihan din niyang ang mahirap nilang pamumuhay noon has already aged them beyond their years. Dagdag pa ang problema with James sa mga pasanin ni Devon. Bagay na walang ibang nakakaalam kundi sila-sila lamang. Si Devon, si James, at sa pagkakaalam niya, si Ivan din bukod sa kanila ni Bret. Si Ivan, isa pang matinding sikretong hindi pa panahong lumabas, Ang hirap nga naman kasi sa taong mababait, kadalasan, sila ang nagdadala ng mga sikreto. Sa kanilang anim, si Ryan at James lang ang hindi niya kargo. Pero sa mga nangyayari, dahil bestfriend niya si Devon, bitbit narin si James kahit second degree lang. Ang mas mahirap pa ay kaibigan ni Fretzie silang lahat. Ivan likes Devon, potentially in a romantic sense, while James and Devon has always had a tumultuous something. Nameless, and perpetually undefined as of yet, but something.

“His phone is off.” frustrated na napasinghal si Bret habang nagpipindot sa phone.

“Keep trying! Hindi pwedeng umabot siya dito na ang mood niya eh ganun.” tarantang sambit ng dalaga. Bagay na madalang makita sa kanya. Ramdam ni Bret ang frenetic mood ng kasintahan. At dumial muli.

“You should try too.” udyok nito sa dalaga. “We can't go in yet cause phones aren't allowed inside.”

“James always makes things worse lately. What's up with him?” iritang sambit ng dalaga bago nag simulang dumial muli. Alam naman ni Bret na stressed lamang ang girlfriend niya kaya't mapakla ang mood nito. Naiintindihan naman niya, dahil pareho lang naman sila.

Si James ang sanggang dikit ni Bret. Kakampi sa mga kalokohan, moral support at collaborator sa mga projects and song writing na din. Bestfriend ni Fretzie si Devon, specially in the past two years when they were constantly shuttled from various locations, sila ang talagang naging close dahil narin lagi silang magkasama. Devon has also gotten closer to Bret dahil narin kay Fretzie. Malaki rin naman ang naitulong ng dalaga kay Bret nung nililigawan pa nito si Fretzie. Daingan ng problema, moral support, secret assistant at advice giver ang drama ni Devon for a year. Mangyaring naging taga-SoCo narin siya bilang kinailangan din niyang imbistigahan ang mga hilig ng kaibigan sa ngalan ng pag-ibig ng isa pang kaibigang si Bret.

For the past 6 months, ang tukso sa BretZie+Devon, sa kanilang tatlo ay non-love triangle - dahil lagi silang magkakasama. Aminado si Devon na siya ang third wheel. Hindi naman ininda ng dalawa ang presence ni Devon, pero si Devon na mismo ang lumalayo para magkaroon ng space ang mga kaibigan niya. Maliban nalang kung may trabaho, at napipilitan naring makisabay si Devon.

Alam ni Fretz na kailangan ni Devon ng kasama.

Kung hindi busy si Ivan, siya ang magiging kasakasama ni Devon, pero naging busy siya sa back-to-back projects, at ayaw din ni Fretzie na umasa pa ang binata sa wala, o di kaya ay mas lalong bumigat pa ang dinadala ng bessy niya. Maguiguilty lang si Devon sa unrequited feelings ni Ivan. At higit sa lahat, alam naman niyang James is more than a handful. Mahirap tantiyahin ang binata.

Si Devon lang ang somehow, nakakagamay sa kanya.

Chapter 5

“Shit!” sigaw ni James sabay bato sa backseat ng iPhone4 nito. Alam naman niyang sumasakit na ang ulo ng mga tao sa kanya. Planuhin man niyang umayos na, hindi matuloy-tuloy. Mahirap eh. There are too many people concerned. Too many people invested in this. He dug for his other phone, the seldom used BlackBerry, in the dash. Hindi niya ito makita and he swerved a bit into oncoming traffic. Several motorists honked their horns at him. “Shit!” muling singhal ng binata sabay hampas sa steering wheel ng kanyang sasakyan. “Shit, shit, shit!”

Humanap ng shoulder sa daan ang binata at pansamantalang pumarada muna para mahanap ang isa pa niyang phone. Nang mahanap na niya ang isa pang phone, lowbatt na rin ito. Meron lamang enough power para makita niyang meron siyang 66 message alerts, na naging 67 nang magvibrate ang telepono at namatay.

“Fuck!” sigaw ng binata sabay bato ng cellphone sa front passenger door. Panandaliang tila sinabunutan nito ang sarili para matauhan bago muling nagsimula para hanapin ang charger ng iphone. Nakita niyang nakakabit parin sa inverter ito bagaman nasa ilalim ng mga script at kung anu-ano pang papeles. Dali-dali niyang hinanap ang kanyang iPhone4 at sinaksak ito sa inverter para ma-charge.

Muli siyang nagdrive habang inaabangan ang muling pagkabuhay ng kanyang telepono. “Come on, come on, come on!” udyok nito, na para bagang makapapabilis sa pag charge ng telepono. Limang minuto pa bago ito muling aandar, alam niya, at sa tantiya niya, sa mga oras na yon ay nasa ospital na sina Bret. At pagkatapos ng pansamantalang pagka-preoccupied sa cellphone, ay muli niyang naalala. Devon's at the hospital.

With the pedal to the metal, nag decide na lang siyang pumunta na lang sa ospital and sped away into the night.

***

Joe hugged Devon as April comforted Kyra. Unfortunately, they were all there was. Everyone else was unreachable, or just plain unable to come. Ryan, Jenny, Bret, Fretzie, Kyra, Devon, Ivan, Joe and April sat lined up against the bleached white walls of the ER hallway. Devon already did a cafeteria run for water, and juice to keep her company hydrated and their sugar levels stable because nobody seemed to have the mind to nourish themselves. Devon felt better with something to do. She needed to keep moving. Sitting and waiting was eating up at her, and Hospitals made her anxious. It made her think of death, and loss, and abandonment. Thoughts that she does not want nor need at any occasion in particular, but thoughts that creep up on anyone regardless, and she was unfortunately not immune to it.

Getting antsier but already out of things to do, she told Ivan she was going out for air. Ivan offered to come with, but Devon declined with the notion she needed to be alone. Ivan obliged after giving Devon a comforting hug. He understood where she was coming from. She walked by Fretzie with a squeeze of the hand for mutual comfort. They both needed it and it had been quite a long night as it were.

Shey's mom was still a ways away, and nobody had her dad's contact info. As for the boyfriend, Shey could barely reach the guy, what more the mere friends of the girlfriend? They just made do with each other. Waiting together for news about their friend.

***

Devon sat at the chapel, on an empty pew. There were other people in there despite the late hour. Praying for their beloved to get well with the help of God. With the help of prayers. There really is no such thing as appropriate timing. Things have a tendency to happen on their own terms. Mangyayari ang dapat mangyari. Devon said a silent prayer for her friend. Wala narin naman siyang iba pang magagawa. Lahat ng pwede niyang gawin, nagawa na niya. Alam naman niyang hindi siya si Wonder Woman. At sa totoo lang, pati si Wonder Woman, napapagod din.

Life really is so intangible. Akala mo may bukas pa. Little do you know, baka wala na pala. So little is for us to decide... But as people, we seem to think otherwise and forget there is something out there much bigger than us. Much more profound. Things like Trust. Love. Faith...

Mag iisang oras din sigurong nagmuni-muni sa chapel si Devon bago siya nag decide na bumalik na, but the idea of putting on the strong demeanor for everyone seemed too hard. So instead, she walked aimlessly. Saan nga ba siya pwedeng pumunta? Hindi pa naman siya pwedeng umalis...

***

James did a sloppy parking job and bolted into the hospital halls with all abandon. He only slowed down when he spotted Ivan leaning against a pillar and then saw April and Joe talking. They had concerned expressions and there were several people sitting too. Bret got up, and James rushed towards them. Anxious, worried.

“Bret!” James called out, somehow, suddenly unable to make the last few steps. “Bret, what happened?”

“She's okay now.” Bret answered, “They're moving her over to the ICU for further observation for the next couple of hours.” he explained and watched James' expression somehow grow more anxious. “But later today she'll be moved to a regular room.” he added, realizing for the first time the actuality of what Fretzie told him by the expression on James' face.

“You made it. Thanks man.” Ivan offered, which was met by a seething glare. “Whoa.” Ivan backed off a step.

That was the last straw for James, it seemed. Because seeing Ivan made him remember Devon. Everything he used to get to do with her when no one was watching. Happily dancing around as they tried stepping on each other's feet, staring contests, pointless chess games, movies with friends. He used to buy her icecream when the group went to the mall. Apparently, his place has been usurped by Ivan. And all he could think of was Devon with him.

How they looked as they walked away for FroYo at the mall.

Arms linked, laughing over some in-joke nobody else knows of.

How Devon messes up Ivan's hair in revenger over something insignificant.

And he chases her across the foodcourt with feigned anger.

How Devon always calls him when they're having boy's night,

And Ivan acts annoyed that she called an hour late. Again.

James collapsed, said nothing further then cried quietly. The tension in his shoulders significantly eased by relief. She's fine. Still in a stupid hospital, but fine. He cried in his quiet misery and joy and relief.

Fretzie, her suspicions confirmed, walked up to James and kneeled beside him. “DD, I know what you think, and you're wrong. Devon is fine.”

“What?” James and Ivan asked. James in shock, and Ivan in confusion.

“Devon is fine. Bret just said--” James retorted.

“You thought Devon was confined here, right?” Fretzie asked, as everyone stared at James. Their puzzled expressions growing ever more pronounced. James said nothing so Fretzie continued rather penetratingly, “You can't blame any of us – you never asked. Shey had an accident and she's fine now. Devon came cause, well you know how she is with Shey.”

“Devon is fine?” James asked absently, eyes slightly glazed over.

“Devon is fine. You've been so self absorbed that if a meteor were to land at your feet, you would fail to notice! And really, you're such a pain a lot of the time, that I wonder why I bother with you. Really James, would it kill you to try a little? I mean you are such a downer! But then I remember were friends, and--” naudlot ang spiel ng dalaga ng bigla siyang yakapin ng mahigpit ni James. Umiiyak parin ito, humihikbi.

“Oh my God, Fritz. Thanks so much. Thanks so much. Oh thank God.” bulalas nito ng paulit-ulit, while clinging to Fretzie as if for dear life. Bret just shrugged. Bagaman may ideya siya kung anong nangyari, mahirap parin sa kanyang sundan ang turn by turn ng events.

“Women.” bulong na lamang nito sa sarili as he rolled his eyes.

Chapter 6

Mga ilang minuto din bago gumalaw mula sa sahig si James. Nakasalampak siya at nakapikit lamang ang mata na walang malay sa paglipas ng oras. Nang idinaan na si Shey, mukhang okay naman siya. Gising ito pero mukhang kaunti na lang ay makakatulog na, at isa-isa niyang piniga ng bahagya ang mga kamay ng kanyang mga kaibigan na lumapit sa stretcher na lulan siya. Mahina, pagod, pero may fight parin ang kapit. Dahil narin sa mga gamot na nakaturok sa kanya, hindi na niya naisip na magtanong, o hanapin pa si Devon. Gratitude at panibagong pagpapahalaga ang laman ng puso niya. Si James, na natuwa sa pagiging maayos ng kalagayan ni Shey, ay tumingin at napangiti na lamang, pero hindi parin tumayo sa kinalalagyan. Masama mang isipin, mas nasayahan siyang malaman na ayos lang si Devon, kahit na masaya rin siyang mabuti ang kalagayan ni Shey. Iba lang talaga yung klase ng appreciation niya nang malamang okay lang si Devon.

***

Isa-isa nang nagpaalam ang mga pagod din at ngarag na housemates ay hindi parin gumagalaw si James. Tila inabutan na siya ng fatigue pagkatapos ng mala-rollercoaster niyang emotions, at doon na niya kinailangang mamahinga. Si Ivan ang naunang magpaalam at umalis sa lahat. Para hanapin si Devon na mag dadalawang oras naring hindi bumabalik, nag-aalala.

Ayven Dorchnrr: Devs, she's fine. Drugged up to the gills, but she's fine. Sleeping now. Where are you? You need to rest too. You were on call since 5 yesterday pa, it's almost 4 now.

Bebe Devon: Thank God. Thank goodness talaga.

Bebe Devon: I was at the chapel then I kinda wandered around a bit. Don't worry, I'll catch a cab. You go ahead.

Ayven Dorchnrr: You sure? I can wait. It's no trouble, really.

Bebe Devon: No, really. Go ahead. I'll be fine. I just need a breather.

Ayven Dorchnrr: But Devs, you must be exhausted after all that.

Bebe Devon: Yeah, pero ikaw din. Rest ka na din.

Bebe Devon: Trust me. I'll be fine. I'll text when I get home, and if I can't get a ride, you know I'll call you. Don't worry.

Ayven Dorchnrr: Devs, I'll take you home. You're probably delirious lang from fatigue.

Bebe Devon: Kaya ko na. Thanks for everything though.

Ayven Dorchnrr: Devs naman. You sure you're fine?
Bebe Devon: Promise. Umuwi ka na. I'll head back there. Diba I'm gonna sleep over with the guys dapat? My things are still at your place. Go na. I'll be fine.

Bebe Devon: Kapag di ka umuwi, you won't be able to reach me at all.

Bebe Devon: My phone will be off.

Ayven Dorchnrr: Ok I'm going. Don't forget to call, ok? No matter what time.

Bebe Devon: Opo.

Ayven Dorchnrr: Don't turn your phone off either.

Bebe Devon: Promise.

***

Parang naglalakad sa buwan na lumakad si Devon papunta sa information desk, then papunta sa bagong room ni Shey para sumilip sa natutulog na kaibigan. Ng makita niyang payapang nakahimding ang kaibigan, ay napabuntong hininga ito. Tila nabunutan ng isang malaking tinik sa dibdib. There, she rested her forehead on the door and said a silent thanks in her thoughts. She watched her friend rest.

Habang tinitingnan ni Devon si Shey na natutulog, para lang siyang nakamasid sa isang batang nahihimbing. Sa mukha ni Shey, walang traces ng problema, walang alalahanin. Walang stress, walang pag-aalangan. Napaluha si Devon sa tuwa. Muling bumulong ng isang pasasalamat sa Diyos. Kahit na puno na ang salok at aminado ang dalaga na matagal-tagal narin niyang kinakailangan talaga ng release, at tila lahat ng braces na prinepare niya para maka survive sa gabing iyon ay nag-expire na, kahit na hindi tumigil ang mundo para makahabol siya sa tambak ng recoveryng kailangan niya, di parin maubos ang pasasalamat niya. Oo, matagal-tagal naring kinailangan ni Devon ng 'me time' sa dalawang taon na nakalipas. Pero paano? Kanino? Kailan? Wala namang panahon, walang pagkakataon. Busy sa commitments, at ayaw ding maging pabigat ni Devon sa mga kaibigan at pamilya niya. Habang nakatuon ang tingin ni Devon sa kaibigan, hindi niya maiwasang maramdaman ang bigat ng puso niya. Buti pa si Shey, na para kay Devon, ay isa sa mga ate niya, nakakapag pahinga na, yun nga lang kinailangan pang maaksidente ito at maospital bago makapag break.

Bagaman hindi sila magkadugo, ni minsan ay hindi pinagdamutan ni Shey si Devon. Sinuportahan siya nito at inalalayan. Kahit na dalawang taon lang ang tanda nito sa kanya, parang gamundong kaalaman ang naiishare niya. Kaya't habang minamasdan ni Devon si Shey, tuluyan na lang na naiyak lamang ito. Tila nagsusumbong sa ateng impartial sa problemang pampamilya, at objective sa mga happenings sa buhay niya. Isa-isang bumagsak ang mga luha at naglabasan sa malalaking mga patak. Napaka-laki ng pagkakaiba ng Devon na nangungusap sa ateng kaibigan sa Devon na pangaraw-araw.

“Te, kaya natin to. Iiyak lang ako tonight, tapos bukas ok na. Promise.” bulong nito sa pinto. “Ikaw, te Shey, hindi ka dumaan sa butas ng karayom para lang mauwi sa ganito.” bulong niya. Alam niyang walang nakakarinig, hindi naman makakasagot ang pinto, at hindi naman mamumroblema si Shey sa mga sinasabi niya. Kampante siyang mag-emote dahil alam niyang siya lang ang makakarinig, at pag natapos na siya, move on na. “Sa uulitin, don't scare me like that! Papatayin mo ba ako?” she joked. Tumatawa habang umiiyak. “Baliw na yata ako... Umiiyak, tapos tatawa.”

“Ang matapang at palaban na Shey, nag mukhang weak and vulnerable.

Ang bubbly at masayahing si Devon, nakakailang beses nang napaiyak sa isang gabi.” biro pa nito. “Is hell gonna freeze over? Ibang-iba tayo 'te! Versatile!”

Matagal-tagal din ang naging one-sided usapang Ate ni Devon at Shey. Nang mapagod na si Devon ay nag-intay na lamang ito. Ayaw niyang maiwang mag-isa ang ate shey niya. Nang dumating ang mama ni Shey, saka lang nakaya ni Devon ang lumabas na ng ospital para umuwi. Pagdaan ni Devon sa may malaking bintana ng ospital ay nakita niya ang pasikat na ang araw. Tumitig si Devon sa sky, bago pinanindigan ang pangako. Today is a new day. Expired na ang emote pass niya.

Chapter 7

Nakatungong kinaladkad ni Devon ang mga paa para lumakad palabas ng ospital. Step after step, it felt as though her feet got heavier and heavier. Hindi naman talaga si Devon ang tipong nag seself pity. Pero umaabot din siguro sa puntong napupuno ang lahat ng tao. In the past two weeks, nagpatungpatong na ang mga problema niya. She knew this was inevitable. She knew she needed a good cry. Nagkasabay sabay nga lang, and dahil hectic din ang schedule niya, mahirap nang humanap ng time. Siyempre, kung nagkakaroon man siya ng time, kailangan din niyang ipahinga ang katawan niya, and a good cry could be physically as well as emotionally taxing... Kaya ang ending, saka na. Saka na, saka na, next time na lang. Pero napagod na si Wonder Woman. Her mind was haywire, at ang mga bagay na pilit niyang ibinabaon ay pilit nagsisilutang sa kanyang gunita.

***

“Anak, gustong ring mag abroad ni Dimple.” panimula ng ina.

“What?” usal ng dalaga. “Hindi pwede!”

“Eh, alam mo naman yun. Marami ring plano sa buhay.” akmang paliwanag ng ama kay Devon. Nobody wanted to do this. Mahal na mahal nila si Devon at masasaktan ito kapag nalaman niya. Pero kailangan na niyang malaman. Aalis na ang ate niya in 2 months! Kaya kahit na kakaalis lang ni Darling two weeks ago papuntang Amerika, kailangan na ring malaman ni Devon,

“Wag niyo siyang payagan!” Protesta ng bunsong anak ng mga Seron. “Ma naman. Ayokong magkahiwahiwalay ang pamilya natin. Wag niyo siyang payagan! Umalis na nga si ate Darl!” baling nito sa ina.

“Anak, di basta-basta papapigil yun. Kilala mo naman yun eh. Parehong pareho kayo.” sagot ng ina. “Nag aalala lang naman ang ate mo na ikaw na ang kumakargo sa pamilya nitong nakaraang dalawang taon.”
“Ma, okay lang sakin! Hindi naman ako nagrereklamo, diba? Kaya ko naman eh.” nangingiyak na sambit ng dalaga. Mapapait na luha ang hindi na napigilan pang pumatak mula sa kanyang mga mata. “We can do anything! Diba? As long as were together, kaya natin?” Nagmamakaawa si Devon, pinipilit niya. Pero tama ang ina nito. Alam na alam niya kung paano ang ate niya. Minsan lang siya lumiko, pero pag lumiko na, hindi basta-basta mapapalitan ang direksiyon nito. Desidido na.

Tahimik na umiiyak si Devon nang dumating si Dhemy kasama si Dimple. Isang tingin palang sa slumped form ng kapatid sa may lamesa ay alam na niya. Ibinaling nito ang mga mata sa mga magulang, at malungkot na napatango na lamang ang kanilang ama. Alam naman niyang sooner or later ay hahantung din sa ganito. Malalaman at malalaman din ni Devon na pagkatapos ng graduation ay aalis na si Dimple papuntang London.

“Devon,” Dimple started. She wanted to explain. But it's too late. Devon turned to look at her, the pain she felt mirrored in her usually happy eyes as if to ask Dimple, 'How could you do this to me? To us?' and she really didn't know what to say. Devon wanted to glare, to scream and yell at her sister. But she couldn't. She loved her too much, and understood too much. She knew that sometimes, people like them had no choice, and at this point all she could do was cry. What else was there for her to do? She was too smart to fight it. It was just going to lead to bad blood between her and her sister, and she knew better. She understood too much.

Still, she couldn't help but feel hurt and abandoned. She felt like she failed to keep her family together, and that was what hurt the most. If the look of defeat in Devon's eyes could kill, Dimple's heart would have burst into a million pieces and died. Devon was still the baby, and she was still the big sister but Devon seemed to carry the burden of their family's troubles all in her young heart. She should be the who gets taken care of by the family not the other way around.

***

“This letter was in my cubby for you, Bebe.” Ivan said habang bahagyang winawagayway ang sobre sa kanyang kanang kamay. “Did you expect it ba?”

“Huh? No.” saad ng dalaga bago inabot ang sobreng naglalaman ng sulat.

Dear Ms. Devon Seron,

Regarding the upcoming event, all the in-house designers have already been taken and many of the talents even chose to finance their own clothing or find their own sponsors. We apologize for this news. We understand that this may be short notice, seeing as there are only 3 weeks left to find a suitable attire for the event, but you are now required to provide your own gown that matches the motif you were memoed about previously.

We apologize again.

Feel free to contact HR for more info, they will direct you accordingly.

Office of the Management,

Senior Secretary

“So, what is it?” Ivan asked.

“Ha? Wala, tungkol lang sa ball, some details about the gown.” pagtatakip ng dalaga. Pero sa totoo lang, walang pang rent, much less pambili ng gown si Devon. Yung naipon niya from the previous months ay nagamit na sa extra check-ups ng mama nito dahil nais ni Devon na mamonitor ng maigi ang kalusugan ng ina. Kahit na malungkot siya dahil sa pag-alis ng panganay niyang ate, at ang paparating na ring pag-alis ng isa pa niyang ate, pinasasaya na lamang niya ang sarili para hindi mag-alala ang ina. Nag desisyon ang dalagang hindi na lamang siya pupunta. Magpapanggap na may sakit, o kung ano pa mang dahilan ang uubra.

“Oh! Oh, man! That would be a fun night. What will your dress look like?” Ivan asked.

“Huh? Uh, I don't know yet.” pasimpleng sagot ng dalaga with a small smile.

***

Bad vibes, more bad vibes, insults, put downs, out and out harassment. Naglipana ang mga anti-Devon. Lahat na nilait sa kanya. Pati pagkatao niya, niyuyurakan ng mga taong ni hindi naman siya kilala. Pati pamilya niya. Smile and bear it na nga lang sana. Kaso may limitasyon ang lahat ng tao. Napapagod. At gustuhin man niyang hindi na maidamay pa ang pamilya niya, meron at meron paring nakakarating, at nakaka high blood parin. At worse, kasabay nitong maapektuhan ang iniingatang kalusugan ng ina. It's a double whammy that hurt much worse than what it was ultimately worth.

Devon was tired. Emotionally and physically. Hindi nga lang niya napansin dahil preoccupied siya sa trabaho, sa pamilya, sa mga kaibigan, sa obligasyon. Ngayon, sapilitan at sabay-sabay nang nakahabol sa kanya bawat isa sa mga iniiwasan niya.

***

James left his jacket on the floor of the ER hall and had to go back to get it. There was more than one main exit that lead to the parkade, and he could have used a number of them with equal convenience, but he parked by the hospital-designated cab parking kaya ang particular na exit yon ang hinahanap niya.

James and Devon met there, that cliched point where two hallways turned off and met at a shared exit. It was unplanned, and neither really expected it. They were both glad and heavy hearted over circumstances of their own, and exhausted by their most recent ordeal. Alone time did not help them feel much rested, their thoughts ran rampant anyway, kaya wala ring ikinabuti ang kani-kanilang mag-isang pagmumuni-muni. That slim chance of them deciding the use the same exit at the exact same time must have been the first sign. The fact that they could have just as easily missed each other in their intently-looking-at-the-ground manner of walking – Devon just plain out of it, James too preoccupied and too tired, they were both looking down for most of the way... In reality neither needed to look up at all. But James did; and this might have been the second sign. He just looked up once. To check for some insignificant signage, more out of habit than of need, and he spied Devon's bedraggled figure walking towards him. She was but a few steps away, and had he looked up a second too late he may not have even seen her at all. But it was as if the world slowed down for them.

Something that must have been instantaneous, it was an event of mere micro-seconds, but it was as if each step Devon made took forever as he slowly turned, and saw her. Saw her soul. Her heart. Her face. Her face that looked beautiful still as she passed. Despite the haunting emptiness he saw in her eyes, the eyes that looked so foreign as they otherwise were always shining with mirth and laughter, He saw her. He saw her and wanted nothing more than to stare at those eyes that said a thousand words when her lips could not. He read years in those moments, breathed a lifetime and a half as he watched her walk past. This girl who could turn his world upside down with mere words, walking absently, in one of those rare occasions when she at all appeared vulnerable.

“Devon...” he mumbled in a voice so low it was barely audible, drowned by the busy hoolabaloo of the hospital and the rapid humdrum of his heart.

A quiet calling that could span centuries if need be.

She didn't hear it, but he did, and he needed to hear it. He needed that sensory affirmation that she was there, before him, real. Not just a visual failure to differ reality from fatigue induced hallucinations.

Abandoning all hesitations, forgetting all the restrictions he knew existed for a reason, he took one step backwards towards her, and embraced her. Suddenly, those moments that seemed to last forever ended and came crashing back into him in hyper speed and then slowed right back down. As he clutched her tightly to himself, he breathed her in. He buried his face in, and remembered the scent of her hair, and how it felt like to have it brush against his skin. He clung to her. Unafraid for once. Free and pared down to the barest of the bare James. The James that only one person knew. The James that not even his father knew. This was Devon's James, and this person was hers and hers alone. Her appeal and drawback alike, seem to be the same thing: the fact that she doesn't realize how much power she held over him. And in reality it was vice versa. Devon just had a perpetually happy demeanor that could fool the most extensive searches of who and what Devon really held in, and as for James, it was easier to hide behind a dark mood.

Devon, fatigued and over stressed herself; just let James do what he wanted, and absently let him hold her for however long it had been. She was too tired to resist. Too tired to be happy Devon just yet. Just this once, she was going to forget everything existed if only for her sanity. She was achy and lonely and angry and upset in various degrees, and her head was spinning in all the thoughts that swam around in her head like little thought tadpoles.

She wallowed in all her frustrations, deciding to let herself set her emotional turmoils loose for one more day and be back to normal tomorrow, instead. She was too preoccupied with unsuccessfully planning and re-planning various things for the near and far future, busy in her own head, she was also heavily considering all the harsh things she's ever had pegged at her and building defences against them over the scars they left in their wake.

Caught in this painful but necessary process rebuilding from the ground up, she seemed oblivious to the sudden change in James' expression. The panicked frustration and concern that swept his eyes as he gently caressed her cheek just went over her head. She did not know what he was doing, or where he was taking her, nor did she care much. Not that she was aware, she just followed listlessly, a mere couple of steps away from the exit, as he slowly lead her back towards the hospital.

Slowly.

Slow...ly.

Slo...w...ly...

Devon blinked, and it seemed to take forever.

Her breathing felt loud to her ears as she opened her eyes, and above her, the unforgiving glare from white rectangles at regular intervals accosted her.

She was moving down a hall, somewhere? Her one arm resting against something, and the other draped across something. Devon blinked again, and it felt much faster this time though she now identified her current feeling as dizziness. She glanced up and saw the clenched jaw of someone familiar.

“...James?” she tried to say, but clumsily came out as Jaaaaah, before she fainted again.

“Come on Devon!” James admonished through clenched teeth. “I could shake you right now!” he all but yelled. “Nurse! Nurse!” he called to a nurse that passed by. “She fainted! Help us, please. Please! She's running a fever.” The nurse walked them over to the nurse' station and paged an orderly to bring a stretcher before she checked for an available room. James waited by the station as he carried Devon in his arms. “Come on Devon!” he said, frustrated. This was not the kind of moment he envisioned to have with her. Not like this at all.

Chapter 8

It took about an hour for James to have all the paper work and other necessary bureaucratic steps settled. Sitting on the lone chair in Devon's room, he filled in the blanks on various forms for her as she slept hooked up to an IV drip. It was then that he realized there was a severe lack of pertinent information shared between them. They lived in the same house for practically two months and got to know each other there, they worked together and hung out on a regular basis for almost a year, and yet, he doesn't really know her very well. Maybe it was because he wasn't willing to waste time on semantics. They were friends after all.

But now he's required to answer certain questions for her.

What is her blood type?

Any allergies? Ie; pollen, bee stings, penicillin?

In-case of Emergency contacts?

Is she taking and/or under any medication?

He knows she has three sisters, he knows their nicknames, but not their legal names. He knows her parents, but is Lyn and Sonny their legal names? He knows where she works, who she hangs out with, but he doesn't know if she's eating well. With his train of thought overwhelmed by this Devon Seron impromptu pop quiz, he realized that the things he knew of Devon suddenly seemed so insignificant, and he couldn't help but be frustrated. He couldn't think straight. After all, he was tired too. Luckily, he and Devon were both of legal age so it was a bit easier to secure a room for her with the help of one Gem of a nurse, who allowed him to fill up the form in the room.

***

“Uh sir, what is your relationship with the patient?” the nurse asked, maintaining a professional air despite having recognized James as the in-demand celebrity that he was. She turned suspiciously around her, checking as most of the staff ignored him, busy with their work. Everyone else was preoccupied with their own confined loved ones to fawn over him. They had bigger things on their minds. She had him all to herself, and felt giddy about it. Sino ba naman ang hindi kikiligin? Ang pupungay ng mga pilik-mata ng binata, at hindi naman masakit sa mata ang hitsura nito.

“We're friends.” he answered.

“Uh, sir, I'm so sorry but it's hospital protocol.” she started nercously. Mauudlot pa yata ang one on one niya with the one and only Jamrs Reid. “We can only let close relations to commit patients into our ward. Sa Emergency po, pwede until ma-reach ang family. But since her case isn't really urgent, we can't move her to the ER, and she already is in a room. I'm gonna have to shuttle her out with-in the next hour.” paliwanag ng nurse.

“But the doctor said she needs rest, and she's resting!”

“Sir, sorry po talaga. Pero policy po eh.”

“Shit.” naibulong ni James, pacing a few steps.

Thinking on his toes, he quickly came up with an alternate plan.”I'm sorry, but can I talk to you in private?” he said to the nurse. Batting his lashes a little, pouting just a little, leaning ever so slowly as if to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. The nurse all but melted. She followed with a silly grin on her face as James led her to the side. But kudos to her, she maintained some composure and did not jump him on the spot. She was a nurse. Prim. Proper. Professional. Though Lord knows she so wanted to.

“Ye-yes, sir?” she breathed.

“What I'm about to tell you is a secret. It can't leak out.” James admonished kindly. Gently touching the nurse' cheek. He was flirting, and shamelessly so. The sad part of it was that it was working. She nodded vigorously at him, and he smiled.

“Ano po yun, sir?” eager na tanong ng nurse. In her mind, pinapangarap niya, na if James asked her to quit her dream job and elope into the sunset – er, sunrise na pala, she would willingly do so with all abandon.

“She and I have been engaged for the past year.” he said, with the sweetest smile he could muster. The nurse nearly shrieked with delight, but she caught herself and covered her mouth. Though well aware of reality, she was genuinely happy for her James and her baby Devon, still, there was a tinge of disappointment there. Paano na ang tanan away into the the sunrise? Goodbye na lang.

“Oh my God!” she said, errant currents running up her spine to the tips of her fingers. The things she could tell her friends. The juicy pasalubong will surely generate threads upon threads of discussion. How happy all the JaeVon shippers will be! But alas, she loves James too much to leak it out. And the truth will come out eventually no matter what. She smiled smugly to herself.

“Shh, it's supposed to be a secret!” pabulong na bumulalas si James. “I'm just telling you so you could push through with the forms and all without getting in trouble. Pero walang dapat makaalam.”

“Okay. Sorry.” she said, collecting her nearly shattered composure.

“Secret.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Secret.” he repeated.

“I can start it for you, but you still need to fill in forms.” she said shyly, giddy with a new kind of joy and wonder.

“Okay. Thanks so much!” he said, and hugged her. She piratically had a seizure in delight. And found resolve she never knew she had.

“Just follow my lead, don't look at anybody. Stare at the patterns on the counter and look sad. Whatever questions I ask, just nod, or mumble something, shake your head, whatever. If you don't know, act confused. Did you get that?” she asked, suddenly all business. She was gonna do whatever it took to help them, no matter what. If it meant cheating the system, so be it.

James nodded, his heart swelled at his impromptu workshop for an upcoming character. The belligerent fiancee of a sick love-lady.

“I'll take care of things.” she promised.

James smiled so brightly at her, she nearly went blind. He hugged her again, and this time, she hugged him right back. Complete with resting her head on his shoulder and slight back groping, before she berated him for smiling and reminded him that he was the worried lover.

***

“Ann, I need your help.” James said on the phone foregoing all pleasantries.

Minsan lang dumating ang ganitong pagkakataon at once and for all, gusto na sana niyang bigyan ng pangalan kung ano man si Devon sa kanya. Pero tadhana nga naman. Kung hindi pwede, gagawa at gagawa ito ng paraan para wag matuloy. Fate is fickle and moody, and James somehow must have irked her at some point. Pinaparusahan siya nito. And James has no choice but to bide his time and do what he had to.

“Geez, James. Did you sleep at all? It's 6AM!” she groaned. “What are you doing calling me at this ungodly hour?” she all but growled. “Don't you know me at all?”

No answer.

“Alright. I'm up. What do you want?” she said, sitting up. She needed to be up early anyway for an on location photoshoot and they had to leave early.

“I need Fretzie's home number.”

“Okay.” sagot ng dalaga at nangangapang hinanap ang isa pa niyang cellphone sa bedside table nito. “Um, I just got a new phone the other day, and all my contacts are in another phone at my mom's. Sorry James.” aniya ng hindi niya ito nakita.

“So you don't have her number?”
“No.”

“Shit!”

“Sorry dude. What's the matter anyway?” tanong ng dalaga.

“I'm at the hospital with Devon.” he said, quietly after a pause.

“WHAT?” biglang nabuhayan ng dugo si Ann. “Is she ok? Oh my gosh. What happened?” she was panicked. Quickly dressing herself as if to rush to the hospital.

“She's fine! She's fine.” he quickly corrected, which was met by a sigh of relief. “Fatigue. And she was dehydrated, too.”

“Oh, okay. Thank God it's nothing major.” she was quiet for a few moments.

“Yeah...”

“Why'd you have to scare me like that? YOU JERK!” she yelled after she recovered.

“I'm sorry!” he said with a laugh. “It's just...”

“What.” she demanded. Not a question, but more a matter of expectation. Ann held her breath as she braced herself.

“Well, I kinda had to lie to get her a room.” he said casually.

“Oh. My. God.” her mouth gaped as it dawned on her. “Sinabi mo sa kanila na girlfriend mo si Devon!?”
No answer.

“Sinabi mo 'no?”

“I had no choice!”

“James, patay ka if that leaks out! Oh my God, you're gonna be so screwed!” she shut her eyes tight. “You are gonna be so royally screwed, my friend.”

James was aware of this. He was ready for anything that may happen to him. Everything he earned has been intelligently invested, and he has enough income from his various business ventures to sustain him and then some. “I don't care.” he finally said. And why should he? He's set for life.

“James,” she added, in a more somber, quieter tone. “James, you do realize that Devon... Damay si Devon dito. You realize that, right? Pano si Devon?”

Shoot. He hadn't considered that angle. “Whatever. I'll handle it.” he scoffed.

“She better not get hurt over this. Hindi uubra ang pagka-arrogant mo.”

“Hey! I said I need your help, and instead you turn this into a passive-aggressive attack on me. Thanks Ann.”

“Whatever James. You have no idea how much she's been going through this past month. If you add more to her troubles, I'll come after you James. I swear.” banta ni Ann.

“Why? What's she going through?” he asked, genuinely interested. Or is it concern? Devon is well loved by the gang and a lot of other people. For every person who bashes on her, it seems her lovies just sends her more love.

“I don't really know everything. She's not exactly the sharing type when it comes to those kinds of things... You know what she's like.” she began.

Troubled was not exactly the first word that came to mind if he thought of Devon. She was always so happy. Always laughing and joking aroound. “So what is it, nga?” he pushed.

“Darling left about a month ago.”

“I heard of that...” he said defensively. He did know of it. He heard Bret and Fretzie talking about it. He didn't really care too much because his family flew in and out of the country, and didn't really get what it meant.

“Dimple is leaving, I think less than 2 months from now.”

“Okay.”

“After her grad, she's leaving. Don't you get it?”

“Yeah, she's leaving. So?”

“Devon is heartbroken over it, you idiot!”

“Oh,”

“James, I'm sure that's not the end of her probably long list of things, but those are the two things I know of.” she said, as she glanced at a group photo she stuck on her vanity mirror a year ago. One of Fretzie, her, Devon and Jenny, all wearing Harry Potter attire for a halloween party, and making faces at the camera. Beneath that were more photos. Fretzie and Devon, her and Jenny, her and Devon. “And this is Devon were talking about. She's all about hardcore family bonds, and sacrifice for the family, those kinds of things. Can you imagine how much she misses Darl? Tapos now, Dimple is leaving?”

James was speechless. Everything he's been stressing over seems so simple all of a sudden. Why has it been so messed up for over a year? Now, all he could think of was being with Devon.

“Anyways, try calling Bret. I gotta get ready to leave.” she said, ending the conversation.

“I will. And thanks, Ann.” he said. “Wait!”

“Yeah?”

“Shey's here too. She had an accident last night. Don't worry, she's okay now, but you might want to drop by later.”

“Oh no! Well, what happened?”

“I'm not sure either, but she was in the ER for a while last night. I think she had a bit of whip lash, and something about her lungs. The doctors said she's stable, and should only be in here for a week, maybe less depending on how fast she recovers.”

“K.” she sighed with relief. “I'm glad she's alright. I'll drop by later.”

That conversation took an unexpected turn that left James wondering. James didn't think of Devon in that way once in the entire time they've known each other. She has always been a kind of comic, always laughing, smiling. Her personality just made whoever was around her feel better. Happier. He realized there was so much more to Devon than he knew, and in a bewildering way, mas lalo pa yatang lumakas ang feelings niya para dito. Ano nga ba ang feelings niya para sa dalaga? Mahirap intindihin para sa kanya, because after all, it was he who decided to avoid Devon outside of work 13 months ago. They were getting closer and closer and he could not deny his happiness, but she suddenly stopped texting back, stopped calling back, and stopped joining the gang whenever they had trips and get togethers planned. And he got tired of waiting on her, waiting for her.

Chapter 9

“Wooooooooo!” Devon yelled at the horizon.

“What the hell are you doing?” James asked, with an amused glint in his eye.

“Wala. Having fun.” she answered as she tilted her head back to enjoy the orange glow of the setting sun. “How do you like it here?”

“It's alright.” he shrugged. He's used to beaches.

“Alright?” she asked, rather disappointed.

“What's another coast? It's all the same ocean.” he said, as he took a sip of Coke. “they all go to the same place.”

“Hmm.” came her non reply. It was dismissive and trite. “Ako... I love it here.” she whispered to the breeze. James watched her profile, sitting from opposite corners of their blanket, all he could really see of her was her profile. Her watched the slack way her shoulders rose and fell with every deep breath she took.

“You're acting like you've never been to a beach before.” he joked, moving towards her so they sat parallel to each other. Side by side. He wasn't sure, but he thought he saw something in her eyes that went away as quickly as it came when he turned to look at her. It was gone so quickly that he wondered if he he had seen it at all. She had a serious expression, as if in deep concentration. It made James feel guilt somehow. “It really is beautiful here, though.” he said in reparation.

“It's wonderful, it's gorgeous.” she sighed contently. “I have really good friends with me, the air is fresh, the water is perfect.” she breathed. “If this was my last vacation, I'd be happy for the rest of my life.”

“Haha. You plan on never goin' on any vacations in the future?” he joked again.

Devon looked at him then, the smile on her lips was not reflected in her eyes, and James was caught of guard. “Maybe.” Devon said with a shrug.

And again, James felt inexplicable guilt. As though all his jokes were miserably falling through and he shouldn't try to be funny anymore. He looked away from Devon. Something about the way she was behaving sent invisible needles through his heart. Why was his heart aching so much for her? “Hey, is something wrong?” he asked.

“Ha? Wala no.” She laughed. Her solemn demeanour, gone without a trace. Like the sand castles children built on the shore, all of them washed into the ocean without a trace.

He really would rather believe she was all right than hurting, and so he swept his worries under the rug, and took Devon for her word. She was alright.

***

Ann, Jenny and Fretzie were having too much fun jumping at the waves that came lapping at the beach. Ivan, Bret, and Eslove were lighting a bonfire, some of the other former housemates were busily chatting and picking at the food laid out on a massive table beneath a nipa shed, some went hiking up to the rocks. Everyone laughing happily, teasing each other. James, not exactly the perky sociable type most of the time, sat nearby, watching everybody. Devon was nowhere to be found. She didn't go up to the rocks with Joe, Patrick, Jack and the rest. Everybody else assumed that whoever was missing was with another group. Only James realized she wasn't with the rest.

“Bret!” he yelled, cupping a hand around his mouth. “BRET!”

Bret turned towards him. “What?”

“I'm gonna go for a walk.” James answered, “I'll be back in 15.”

“Okay.” Bret answered, already busily piling logs over some twigs.

James heard Ivan ask Bret what he said, then ask if anyone's seen Devon. James continued walking away and staring straight ahead.

Over the distance, he saw somebody sprawled on a beach towel. Alone, in a relatively dark area – yards away from any artificial light. He was worried for a moment. He wondered if someone was hurt, and he walked a bit faster. After walking several meters more, he noticed that the person was a woman. A woman reaching for the stars. Smiling. She wasn't in hiding, but she was secluded. Bathing in the moonlight. James smiled to himself. Amused at the simple joys of some people.

James kept walking, slightly changing his course to give her some space. It was obvious she wanted it, otherwise why would she be alone? He paused, and turned back to the lights where his friends were. He saw the fire already burning brightly, silhouettes of people dancing around it. He could still hear the faint sounds of laughter, and playful yelling from them. He decided to turn back and join them. Having new found appreciation for his joyful company from the contrast of the girl quietly having fun alone. But then he heard her humming. “Devon?”

He walked up to her, slowly, tentatively. He didn't want to disturb her peace. When he was a few steps away from her, he stood quietly and watched as she toyed with the sea breeze, stirring the stars, singing softly to herself. In her own little world, unaware of her audience.

“Hey.” he said softly.

She turned towards him and smiled. “Hey.”

He walked the remaining steps as she sat up, and he sat by her. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was waiting for everyone to come out, but I guess, I spaced out. Nawala nanaman sa sarili. Nabuang na.” she said jokingly. “Ikaw? What are you doing here? Hinanap mo 'ko 'no?”

James scoffed a bit. “Nah, I just went for a walk. They were starting the fire, and I kinda got overwhelmed by everyone. You know how they get.”

“Ah.” she nodded. “Well, it looks like the fire's ready. Wanna head back?” she offered after glancing towards the direction he motioned at.

“Nah.” he said, twiddling with a twig an drawing spirals on the sand. “Let's stay here a bit.” Devon took a deep breath. “What was that song you were singing?”

“What?”

“That song you were humming earlier.”

“You heard that?” she said, shocked, embarrassed. “Oh my God. You heard that? Oh nooo.”

“Yeah?” he said, amused at her reaction. “So, what song was it.” he was prodding her with his eyes.

“Ano ba! Wala yun.” she was smiling her embarrassed smile. The kind of smile she had on when she was caught being silly, or guilty of something. She was a terrible liar. “Ano. Um, wala. Wala lang yun.”

“Seriously. What was it?” he pushed.

“Wala nga!”

“Don't say wala. You're over acting too much for it to be wala.”

“Wala, promise.” she swore, suddenly serious. Suddenly severe. Too severe. And James laughed.

“You're lying! Just tell me what it was!” James pressed.

Devon hugged her legs and pressed her face to her knees. Laughing nervously. Saying Aw over and over, like she was being forced to confess to something she didn't do. That way Devon does. In James' mind, there was a whole plethora of things that were strictly Devon. Trademarks if you will. Trademark slap, laugh, shocked gasp... So many little things.

“Come on, what is it? I just wanna know what song it was.”

“Wala.”

“Really?”

“Wala!”

“Really. Come on.”

“Wala nga eh!”

“I heard it! Don't say wala.”

“You imagined it lang.”

“No I didn't. Just tell me what it was.”

“Um, it was ano. Hangin! It was the wind.” she offered, a flimsy lie that did not work.

“Come on. Devon.” he prodded, literally poking her shin with the twig he was drawing in the sand with. “Devon. Seriously.” he gave her the stern eyes that he knew she could not resist.

“I made it up.”

He raised a brow, visible in the silver blue glow of the moonlight against the white sands of Bora.

“When we were at the house.” she finally said, referring to the PBB house.

“You wrote it?” James asked, surprised.

“I only know it in my head, so no.” she shyly admitted.

“But the point is it's your song!” he announced. “Sing it.”

“What?”

“Sing it for me.”

“What? No. Why?”

“Why not? Sing it for me.” he said, staring her down.

“Ayoko.”

“I don't care. Ayaw mo all you like. Sing it.”

But Devon stood up, picked up the towel and started walking towards their friends. James shook his head, he knew he failed round one. But it's not over yet. He smiled to himself, in good spirits despite his defeat against the feminine wiles of one named Devon.

Chapter 10

“Sir, Sir!” the nurse said. She gently shook James awake. “Sir, nakatulog po kayo.”

“Oh.” wika nito, pupungas pungas. “Oh, shit! The forms! Oh no, I'm sorry.”

“Don't worry sir. I already took care of all of it. That was just formality. My super was watching us kasi.” she said.

“Oh, thanks.”

The nurse smiled kindly.

“Wait, how did you know the info to fill the forms?” taas kilay na tanong ng binata. Natawa lamang ang nurse. “Don't I need to sign it? Or Devon?”

“She can sign it when she wakes up, and I already made you sign the intake form.” she answered.

“Oh,” ang wala sa sariling sagot ni James. “I did?”

The nurse nodded as she adjusted the IV drip for Devon. “Does she have work today?” she asked James as she gazed at Devon's sleeping figure.

“Uh, I don't know.”

“I'll call Ivan and--”

“Call Ivan?” he asked, “No, don't call him. I'll call Devon's manager.”

“You can't call the manager, because if you do Devon will get in trouble.”

James understood, and paused. “How-- How do you know so much?”

“Certified Gemster.” she said simply as she straightened Devon's bedding.

“How come I've never seen you before?” he asked suspiciously.

She laughed a little. “DD, there are lots of us. You only really ever see a few of us on a regular basis, plus you've been out of the loop for some time now.”

James laughed at the name she called him. “Okay... Don't worry, I'll call Ivan.” he told her. “But why Ivan?”

“Devon trusts him the most.”

“Huh.”

“Like the big brother she never had.” not to mention, he was extremely sweet on Devon, but she left that part out.

“Okay.” James said, already thinking of how to call Ivan.

***

Ivan woke a little before noon with a start. She didn't call, which meant she had been out the entire time he had been sleeping. Worried, he called her phone and it was left unanswered. He got ready in a hurry.

***

James listened at the ringing a few times before he hung up. Ivan wouldn't answer for some reason. “What the hell?”

***

After picking up his phone off the bed, he buttoned up his shirt and as he prepared to walk out, grabbed his keys and Devon's things to carry with him. He had the idea that Devon stayed with Shey and so he planned on just seeing her at the hospital. He was well on his way before he thought of checking what time it was on his phone and noticed the calls he missed while he was in the shower.

3 missed calls from a blocked number.

He cocked a brow in wonder over it, just when the phone rang again from an unknown caller.

“Hello?”

A gasp was heard, but no reply.

“Hello?” Ivan asked again. “Devon?”

“N- no. It's James.” awkwardly answered. Why would he think it's Devon right away?

“James?” Ivan asked, double checking the number, which was blocked. “Since when did you get your number blocked? I was hoping it was Devon. She didn't call back last night. It's so unlike her.” he said as he drove out.

“My number?” James asked, dumbfounded. “Oh, I'm calling from the hospital.”

“Huh.”
“Devon was supposed to call you?”

“Yeah. She never did though. Wait, you're at the hospital?” Ivan asked. “Did you stay there all morning?”

“Yeah, I kinda fell asleep on the couch in Devon's room.”

“Devon's room?”

“Uh...”

“Wait, what?”
“Devon collapsed this morning, the nurses said fatigue and dehydration. The doctor said she's fine and just needed to rest some.”

“What?” Ivan all but screamed as he inadvertently pushed on the gas. “How is she?” he breathed in a panic, weaseling in and out of traffic.

“She's alright. I'm calling cause the nurse was wondering if Devon had any work commitments today.”

“No, no. She's free today and tomorrow. Are you sure she's alright?”

“Good. She can rest some more then.” James sat back on the couch and watched Devon's chest rise and fall with every breath she took.

“Is she awake?”

“No,” James said, glancing at his watch, then back at the girl on the bed. “She's sleeping still. She's hooked up to an IV cause she hasn't eaten yet.”

“Okay, well I gotta go, I'm driving. I'll be there in 5.” Ivan said before he hung up.

“What the hell? He lives, like, 30 minutes from here.” James muttered to himself. “How the hell did he make that 10?”

***

“Ate!” Devon yelled as she tried to flail her arms as if to flag somebody down. In a room that seemed to be built of smoke and mirrors, she felt anxious and trapped. She just heard her sister call out to her, but there was nobody there. Her movements were painfully slow, and her voice lagged behind in faint echoes. She felt like she was trying to get through thick molasses just to take a single step. The smoke. It was the smoke that was misleading. It wasn't smoke despite having smoke-like appearance. It was much too dense, to viscous, and dangerous like quicksand. Filling in the spaces where air should be, it was suffocating. Slowly trapping whomever was in it.

“DARLING!” sinigaw niya muli, lumuluha, natatakot. There was a lady that turned towards Devon some hazy steps ahead, but said nothing. It was as if she did not see Devon at all. Devon tried to chase her down, but no matter how hard she tried, the lady just kept moving further and further away. “Ate Darl! Hinatayin mo 'ko! Please!” she wailed like a little girl, but the lady kept moving away, until the smoke ate her figure and Devon can no longer see her. “ATE DARLING!” she cried, but nothing.

Nakarining ng bungisngis si Devon and she turned towards that direction. “Dimple?” pamilyar ang naging sagot na tawa. Malamya at malambing na tila hinihikayat si Devon na makisali. “Dimple!” tawag ng dalaga habang tumatakbo sa dirction ng boses. But the feminine laugh that she had been following slowly grew fainter and fainter. “Ate!” she called in a panic. Nobody answered her calls. “Ate! Ate Darl! Ate Dimple!” she yelled, slowly walking, paying close attention to any sound.

And then she was falling.

The smoke concealed a hole on the ground, and she fell through.

It all happened so fast, she didn't know how to react. She wasn't even able bring herself to scream. All she could do was stare at where she just was with bug eyed fear as her heartbeat hammered through her chest and her breathing grew rapid and short. The hole she fell through quickly became but a pinhole of light and it was growing smaller still. Farther and farther away.

The darkness was all around her. She was scared, but she didn't know of what.

She was scared of the nothingness. Anything could come out of it, but anything was so vague and there was no preparation for the unknown. She clenched her fists and held her breath.

“Sir, her heart is okay for now.” said a voice she recognized.

“Doctor, ano po ba ang kailangan gawin?” came Devon's dad's voice.

Devon's ears pinged.

Conversation ito sa ospital nung huling check-up ng mama ni Devon. Binaha ng luha ang mga mata ni Devon na naglalakihan na dahil sa takot. Pilit niyang hinahanap ang pinanggagalingan ng boses, pero wala siyang makita sa dilim. Tinatawag niya ang kanyang ama, pero walang lumalabas nas boses.

And then the voices started to repeat and overlap. Like several tape recorders playing at once in different intervals. Some changing in pitch, playing over and over and over. In the background, she could hear her mother laughing heartily.

“Mama?” she managed to say, as if whatever was granting audible speech decided she was allowed to atleast hear herself. Such a small victory.

But a small victory that was just as quickly given as it was taken away, because the laugh somehow sounded wrong. As if it had been corrupted, and sure enough, the kind laughter of her mother quickly turned into an antagonistic maniacle cackle. That was all she could take.

Devon shut her eyes, covered her ears, and screamed.

Chapter 11

“Devon! Devon!” James grabbed her shoulders, trying to subdue her, to comfort her. He wanted so much to just hold her in his arms and take her fears away. But instead, he was rather helpless in her screaming and thrashing around, her IV drip was ripped off her arm. James tried to help her, but even he didn't really understand what was going on. This might be a punishment as far as he was concerned. He just couldn't seem to get any peaceful alone time with her. There was always some kind of drama. Some kind of disaster. “What's wrong? Devon, are you alright?” he asked in vain.

The door opened and Ivan walked in carrying a duffel bag.

“Call the nurse!” James yelled, trying to keep Devon from injuring herself by accident. She already had a cut at the back of her hand from the IV drip that got ripped out violently.

Ivan dropped the bag and bolted for the nurse' station. He was back in no time with a nurse in tow, and she injected some calming drug into Devon's arm.

“Was that a sedative?” Ivan asked the nurse.

“No, it's just a downer. Don't worry Ivan. I think she'll be fine.” she reassured him, as she bandaged up her hand. “Devon, ok ka lang?”

“I'm ok ate, sorry ha. Naabala pa kayo.” Devon answered, surprised at how weak her voice sounded. “What happened ba? What am I doing here?”

“You collapsed from fatigue. I told you to rest up. Matigas kasi ulo mo eh.” Ivan offered. “Why didn't you come home?”

“I was gonna, po – Lolo.” Devon said with her usual sass, if not her usual energy. “But I waited for Shey's mom to come, and I planned on heading to your pad then, kaso by then wala na. I don't remember.” Ivan gave her a slight hug as the nurse quietly walked herself out the door.

“Well i'm glad ok ka na.”

“Pwede na ba ako umuwi?”
“I can check?” Ivan offered.

James, who simply stood at the foot of the bed just watching Devon, watching some color return to her face, brightened. The sign of health, that she was already feeling better. He watched and felt glad. “You don't have to stay. You just have to sign some papers, and you can go. You have to call Dhemy too, by the way.”

Devon hasn't noticed him there, and she remembered a dream she had... Lights... His clenched jaw... Darkness... The profile of his face... Her calling his name, but failing... “James...?”

***

Ivan said nothing as he watched the two awkwardly avoid each other's gaze. Neither spoke, though their body language spoke volumes. Determined to help Devon, he offered to get the documents for Devon as a pretence for leaving.

Devon's eyes darted between Ivan and the door, then it was pleading, don't leave me here. Kung wala sa James, pihadong mahihiya ang dalaga sa pagka delirious niya dahil sa bangungot, pero dahil nandun si James, naisang-tabi na lamang ito at napunan instead ng frustration at anxiety.

Ivan would have stayed all week if she asked him to. But not like this. Not this way.

He knew they needed to talk.

Ivan quickly walked out and closed the door behind him. He shut his eyes tight. It took all he had to keep himself from meddling. He just wanted it all to get over and done with. And he knew this was one of those things where he would do more harm than good if he got caught in the middle. He wanted to do harm. He wanted things to never get better between James and Devon. He wanted things not to go back to the way they were. But Devon glows when she's with him, and so does he. As much as he cares for her, he can never be sure that she will be as happy, or glow in that same way in his company.

***

“Um, Ivan brought your things.” James said, shattering the silence, to which Devon responded with the slightest pseudo nod. She was ignoring him blatantly, but manners kept her from disregarding him completely. She offered the best she could, and thast was all he was gonna get.

He expected it, but it didn't hurt him any less. On the one hand he deserved it, on the other, well, circumstances didn't really help either of them any. He braced himself. “Okay, you can be like that. You're sick. I'll let it go.”

Devon glared. Seething. The thing she hated most was being treated like she had done wrong when she hadn't.

“What did you expect anyways? It's not like I can expect you to apologize properly in your condition.” James asked, feigning innocence. “I understand you're not yourself. I forgive you.” He avoided looking Devon in the eye, because she will break him, and he will cower instead. Something that she will easily accept and move on from. If he asked for forgiveness, she will say everything was alright, and James knew that was gonna be it. “I guess you're alright.” he shrugged. “I'll take your things to my car.” James cringed at his own behaviour. He knew he was being needlessly crass, but he also knew Devon too well. Things might have changed, but Devon at the core, is still Devon. She was too principled, and most definitely won't take his bullshit. Strapped on to an IV drip and all, she will rip him out a new one if she had to. And he was pushing all the buttons to make her. It was the only way to break her catatonic interaction with him, and he wanted her back. So badly, that he was willing to take any abuse she had for him.

He has prepared to accept his atonement.

***

It wasn't such a funny thought.

But it was true, he was more than willing to be petty for an indeterminate length of time. He even got to the point where he felt his behaviour was completely rational. Something as natural as breathing. As for Devon, well, it took the better part of most of a year for James to sufficiently convince himself she did not matter. The rest of the year he spent being miserable at everyone's expense.

Last night, he wanted to talk to her. But he didn't really know why. It just felt right, it felt needed. After hearing the heartache in her voice, he couldn't help but want to be with her. By her. He needed to be where she was, and that was that. Any other details did not matter. Semantics? Who needs them? He didn't. He just shrugged them off to the wind and drove to her house with out so much as an idea, much less a plan.

He wasted a year being a pessimist, convinced that whatever he decided was ultimately the better course, and he spent a lot of energy convincing himself that whatever misery he felt was normal. Natural. After all, everybody experiences the blues at one point in their lives. Why was he exempt? Why was she? What he did, what he said, he thought they were the smarter things to do at the time. He knew better now. He was jaded then, so naive, so immature. There was no getting caught between a rock and a hard place, he just decided which was right, and logically stuck to his guns. His flawed sense of right, his immature sense of understanding.

But death changes things. Even the mere idea of it was so incredibly strong. Thinking he's lost her once and for all, erased in one instant, everything he's toiled for a year to build. All the lies, they melted away and revealed in their core, the truth.

That Devon mattered.

That Devon was, Devon. His Devon.

And his Devon was gone, but he wants her back.

He wants her. He needs her.

He needs to be with her.

And the resolve that he was gonna do whatever it took to get her back, the old Devon, the real Devon that was his before any of this past year happened, grew overnight. There was not much toiling, nor fighting. It truly was so much easier to let something grow, he learned. So much easier than trying to stifle something that wants to explode.

He had to admit, he dreamt of her most nights. He dreamt of her song. That night at the beach in Bora, the way her white off shoulder tee reflected the moonlight as she reached for the stars...

He dreamt of her trying to cook, and making a frustrated face...

He dreamt of her hair... Her smile... The way her fingers trailed across his skin.

He fought so hard to erase her. He convinced himself he did not want her. And in her own way, she stayed away too. But that made James miserable. Devon, he avoided knowing much of whatever went on with her. He hated that she was friends with with the same people he was friends with. He hated seeing his friends because it meant seeing her. He hated that he couldn't hate her. He hated that he was miserable and she didn't seem to care. He never thought to wonder why. He never thought to question his logic. He never thought to ask himself what was missing, and so he never thought something was wrong.

***

He carried the bag and walked out before Devon could say anything. She was fuming, and James just smiled to himself. Enjoying the warm tingles that ran up and down his spine. This is what she does to him. This was her power over him. And even if it may take years, he was decided to win her back.

He was no fool. He realizes fully that he successfully pushed her away, though not completely. And he understood the effort reeling her back in would take. But his mind was made up, and his heart was many things but unhappy for once. He was all sorts of eager, and his gut was screaming full speed ahead.

Chapter 12

It's been weeks since Shey's accident and she was well enough to go back to work. Her closest friends all put up a fight to get a weekend off as a group, and the management, seeing potential in a Reunion special, decided to grant them all a week break provided they allow filming on the last two days of their weekend trip for a TV special. Everyone was basking in the excitement, waiting for Shey to finish her The Buzz interview, and they were all off to Matabungkay for a 3-day weekend which will be followed by 4 days off! What a rarity!

For their trip up to the beach, the Network hired a coach for them, and another for staff, RMs, and PAs. James was looking for Bret to ask about details tungkol sa lakad ng grupo, when he saw him talking to Devon. Devon was smiling brightly, covering her mouth as if to conceal a squeal. James hurried to join them, but Devon went elsewhere before he reached them.

“Oh hey.” Bret said. “Are you driving?”

“What?” James asked as his head was turning here and there to find Devon.

“I said, are you driving?” Bret repeated with a lopsided smile on his face. “And if you're looking for a certain someone, she ran off looking for Ivan. She got a little excited about this new song my band is releasing.”

“There's a new song?” James said, irritated. “She's like a groupie around you.”

“Another one by the MSW.” Bret said ignoring the groupie comment with a sly grin. “This little secret weapon of mine, my little MSW, is getting some notoriety, even. There's threads on PEx for her.” Bret caught himself. But the 'her' already came out. Good thing James was too out of it to notice the major slip of the tongue.

“Who the hell is this Mysterious Song Writer anyway?” James asked. “Credited in both of your albums, and now you're telling me, he'll be creditted in the upcoming one too. Just tell me who it is. What's the big deal? I don't care anyway.”

“I was sworn to secrecy.” Bret answered. “So, are you driving?” he asked after a pause, effectively changing the subject.

“Yeah.”

“Can I hitch a ride? Ivan was gonna drive, and I was gonna hitch a ride with him, but he decided to take the coach at the last minute.”

“Sure. Whatever.” to say that James was displeased would be a huge understatement. Atleast he was glad about not having to drive up alone. He intended on asking Devon, but she was off gallivanting with Ivan somewhere and gushing about this new Bret song, while here he was frustrated and being pathetic after her.

“Awesome! Thanks man. I had to give up my spot on the coach for Louise, and the rest of the band are driving up on the van.”

“Why?” James asked, slightly returned to the real world.

“Oh, since the network is sending a film crew anyway, I took advantage and asked them to come a night early to film a concept MV for the new song.”

“And Louise is coming because?” James asked about their mutual friend.

“She sang for me on this one.”

“So the record is done?”

“It's been done for months now, but I've been too busy to plan the promotion. I needed a female vocalist for this particular song, and it had to be her. MSW's strict orders. Demanded I BEG Lou to sing it even.” Bret shared. “Granted that was almost a year ago now. This song is so epic. So poignant. Specially if you knew the back story. It's like a universal heartbreak song.” Bret all but gushed like a lovesick schoolkid.

“What the eff is it with this friggin' MSW?” James said, frustrated at the secret. “And since when do you listen to somebody else when it came to your music? And I hate your stupid heartbreak songs.”

“Since when did you care how I produced my music anyway, man?” Bret responded dismissively. “This works for me. I think it's become a lucky charm of mine.”

“Do you have a secret identity?” James asked sarcastically.

“No, why do you ask?”

“I think this whole MSW thing is just a gimmick.” James accused. “You're scared to take the fall for your stupid songs.”

“Feel free to think that, my friend.” Bret said. “I encourage that kind of thinking.” Bret was beyond reacting to James' calling his art stupid. James appreciated Bret's music and supported it. But they were friends and Jamestook it upon himself to keep Bret on his toes with his craft by being overly critical about it. “I should spread that rumour...”

“Rumour my ass.” James scoffed.

***

The drive up on the various vehicles were several levels of fun depending on which vehicle was subject. Everyone but the driver slept on the staff coach on the first hour. It was only a couple hour drive, if traffic was forgiving anyway. The coach that carried Louise, Ryan, Jenny, Ivan, Devon, Ann, Kyra and Fretzie was the opposite. The girls and Ryan were singing loudly, asking Ms. Krissy, who was sitting front seat passenger to skip songs on the ipod till the next song they liked came on. Ivan tried sleeping, which prompted Devon to draw silly things on his face without anyone else noticing. The benefits of sitting on the farthest end of the coach.

When he woke up to ask where they were, or if they were close, or something along those lines, everyone turned to pay attention to him and saw the facial art he was sporting. They all burst into laughter, and Ivan, though admittedly surprised, took it all in good humor.

“Oh geez!” he laughed. “I suspected! I should have known!”

“Sorry kuya.” Devon said, laughing. “Hindi ko maresist.”

“I'm gonna get you. Abangan mo yan.” he vowed with a glimmer in his eye.

“Hala ka, bessy. Patay!” Fretzie teased, as she hi-fived with Ann, who was laughing too hard. Ann took a picture of Ivan and sent it to Bret who was in James' car, to Shey who was in April's car driving up with Joe and Eslove, and to Yong who was in a van with Kazel, Yen, Tricia and Patrick.

“I'm sorry! You were sleeping like a baby kasi! Super cute!” Devon said defensively. Ivan noticed Ann was busily tinkering away on her BlackBerry.

“Hoy! Ann! What happens in the van stays in the van!” Ivan yelled as he tried to grab the phone from Ann. Ann squealed, weaselled, and dodged in probably the most unglamorous of ways, but she did not give a damn.

“No! No! Wait lang!” she shrieked as Ivan fought to grab it. Ann stuck her arm out ahead of her so that Ivan wouldn't reach, and Kyra took the BlackBerry a la tagteam effort. “YES!” she screamed as the bar successfully finished scrolling. “Too late na! Sent na. All the vehicles have it na.” she victoriously announced. Ivan poked her on the side mercilessly, while she tried to tell Kyra in urgent breaths of laughter to lock the phone so Ivan couldn't delete the photo. And the whole coach burst in unanimous laughter. Busily pointing and laughing heartily. Ivan pouted, but was also stifling a smile.

Bret sent back an awkward picture of him and James as James drove, Kazel sent back an awkward group picture of everyone in their van making silly faces, at ang mga bading sa staff van ay sumali narin by sending back their own photo of supermodel poses. Normal group shot lang ang kina Joe, and the game went on for a while, each picture was an effort to trump the last, hanggang sa nakarating na sila sa destination nila, nagtatawanan parin ang lahat. When everyone got off their respective vehicles, tuloy parin ang photoshoot mood.

***

Their weekends were whenever it was most feasible. This weekend specifically was a Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday one, which was great because a; the resort will be practically empty being it'll be weekdays, and b; because the weather reports for those three days were promising sans the cloudy Sunday. After that, three or so days left till the Ball.

By the time the cars were completely unloaded, and everyone's been unpacked, it was too late for much else. The girls, the boys, and the staff shared rooms in groups in the same hall. Bret and Louise practiced a little in the foyer before bed, while everyone else got ready for a restful night.

***

Everybody but Devon, who went hiding somewhere again, woke up late and had brunch in scattered groups. Bret with his band plus Fretzie and Louise ate together, talking animatedly about how they will set up the outdoor stage for the MV. The other housemates trickled in and out of the dining hall and proceeded to chill by the beach. It was a relatively small group of housemates yet. Everyone else will either drive up that night, or tomorrow morning for the Reunion special. And everyone was in good spirits with the exception of one.

People went swimming, and some of the girls chilled at the spa. The day was primarily about relaxing and everyone did their own thing for the most part. Bret spent a lot of his time finding Louise, because she went off straight after breakfast. James though, was spending majority of his time being needlessly frustrated and miserable.

First he was irritated at Bret, because Devon kept hanging out with the band and crew.

Then he was irritated at Shey, because Devon was checking up on her constantly and bringing her food and drinks.

Then he was irritated at Kyra and Ann because they dragged Devon shopping for pasalubong at the giftshop.

During merienda, he was irritated at the waiter because Devon smiled and thanked him sweetly. Then at the busboy, because she greeted him and asked him how he was. Then at the receptionist because Devon asked her if she had any messages, and then said thank you with another one of those stupid for-everyone-else-only smiles of hers.

To top it all off, he was frustrated with Devon because while she went on her merry way being friendly to everybody, she would not even give him a single glance.

At one point, Devon was by herself, sitting by the pool, reading some book called “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” But before James even had the chance (more like, the courage?) to approach her, she was off again. Gallivanting with stupid Ivan at the stupid beach with his other stupid friends, and stupid Bret's stupid band. It was as if he was under a storm cloud, while everyone else basked in the sun.

To James, being so busy being annoyed at everything that happened around him made it feel like no time has passed. But the stage was already being set for the MV shoot, and there was cameras everywhere. Various crew members, floodlights, and wires. The sun was beginning to set. There were several resort staff helping the girls light a fire, and some lighting citronella candles all over the place to keep the mosquitoes in check. It was busy, but not hectic everybody worked happily. There was something fresh and lively in the air. This is what being away from it all was like, granted there was still work to be done, but deadlined be damned. Everything became a work of leisure.

While everyone set up; on a bench nearby, James could hear Bret practicing the new song. It sounded simple, clean with just the strains of his guitar, and very unlike his usual style. James could not help but be curious about the new song. He was usually the first to hear new songs, but this one was special somehow. It was gonna be debuted live for all their closest friends. Granted it was all a matter of happenstance. Everyone was here, the crew was already available, and everything else just lined up perfectly for an on location shoot-slash-live performance.

“Lou!” Bret called and James looked over in interest. “Lou, where have you been all day? We gotta do soundcheck, and we didn't even get to practice much at all!”

“I was just, ano.” she said, twirling her hair, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

“What.” Bret demanded, not a question.

“I was just gonna tell you,”

“Tell me what? We don't really have time for this. LouLou.”

“I can't sing it.”

“What?” Bret yelled. Everybody paused, and listened.

“I can't do it!”

“Why not?”

“Alam mo naman I had a recent ano, and last night pa lang, ang hirap, Bret!” she gushed. She might cry yet, but James waited. “I don't want him to watch or hear about me breaking down in the middle of a song. And this is gonna be on a music video. Si Fretz nalang ang girl sa video... Please don't make me. Hindi ko kaya.” and there went the water works. “Wala nang matitira sa akin. My pride is all I have left.”

Bret wanted to force her, but he understood too well. It was times like these when he hated being too much of a nice guy. He gave her a slight hug of support, which she greatly appreciated as she cried quietly. Everyone averted their gaze in respect. It was rude to stare, much worse still was to stare at somebody else' misery.

While Bret hugged her, his eyes were already wildly scanning the scene, picking a new probable visual target, compositing a new concept. He sent Louise to the girls room, and Shey and April went with her after giving Bret's hand a gentle squeeze. The ladies definitely gave Bret props for this one. Everyone understood the pain of Lou's break-up, and saw Bret's sacrifice for his friend. Everyone saw him as a real life Superman, while he berated himself internally, and his eyes frantically searching for a new course of action, his dilemma due to his concern for his friend was not lost on anyone.

***

Devon from one of her solo walks walked towards Fretzie. She missed the entire thing, but Fretzie's expression, and upon looking around, everyone else' faces, prompted her to ask.

“What happened?”

“Ang super bait ni Bret, bessy.” Fretzie said, eyes twinkling with love and admiration. “But now he has a dilemma.”

“Ba't ba?” Devon asked, concerned. “Tatay Blet!” she called out, but Bret was busy discussing the new plan with the crew and did not hear her.

“Louie can't sing.”

“Aw.” Devon said. “Why daw?”

“Fresh ba ang heart break, kaya yun. Bret was understanding, pero now, ayan.” Fretz explained.

“Devon!” Bret yelled. “Devon! Come here!” Bret was motioning for her to come over.

“Yap?” she asked innocently when she reached him, suddenly surrounded by camera men. Devon felt trapped as she looked around her and saw the wall of people. “Wha--?” she did a quick 360 “What the heck?”

“Pasensiya na, pero ipapasubo kita.”

“Ha?!” Devon screeched.

***

James spaced out after Lou's exit but snapped right back to reality when he heard Devon's voice arguing with Bret.

“Ayoko!”

“Please! Please!”

“Ayoko talaga. Promise! Bret don't make me!”

What the hell? James thought.

“Hindi ko mafifeel na i-pursue kita on video! You and Fretz lang ang options, and you know.”

“I know! Pero, ayoko talagaaaaaa.” Devon wailed, but she knew it was fruitless, but she had to try. She needed to kahit resistance was futile, she wasn't just gonna lay down and die. Fight kung fight.

“Consider this a job nalang.”

“I decline.” she said, crossing her arms with sass.

“Consider this a favour to a friend, then.”

No answer.
He's totally playing her. James thought.

“Sige na, Devs. We'll film first yung singing. I'll ask the crew to film nalang simultaneously from different angles para one take lang.”

Devon stared off into space.

“Please, please, please Devon. You're my only hope! Madami nang locals ang naggather. We have to deliver something. Kahit na pina-turn off namin ang phones nila, kung walang mangyayari, afterwards, kakalat agad ang balita.”

Devon said nothing. Alam naman niyang mabilis kumalat ang balita. Sa text palang ay pwedeng madurog ang potentially bigger future ng banda ni Bret, what more kung lumabas sa media ang balitang basag ang MV shoot at may mga taong naka-abang?

“Devs, please naman.” Bret begged.

Devon didn't even look at him anymore, but started walking towards the microphone. She was stiff as a board, and bug eyed with nerves and anxiety. She held her stomach, as she does when she's nervous.

“Thanks Devs. I owe you.” Bret said with a thumbs up as he strapped on his guitar.

“You owe me talaga! I hate you!” she hissed at him.

***

There was a huge kerfuffle about this and that, and Bret was directing the crew with only the final fine tuning because he already talked it out with everyone. This was gonna be a smooth shoot. He's like that. Smooth. Devon stood still, eyes darting where ever Bret pointed, and the lights were getting to her. She was hyperventilating. She was feeling nauseous. Her head spun in a heady whirl.

“Devs, you need to loosen up.” Bret urged from his place behind Devon. “I can't call action if you're like this.”

“I'm trying. I'm trying.” Devon replied. Palms sweating, stomach lurching, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. “I-- I swear. I'm trying.”

Everybody quieted down in surprise. Devon worried that people were getting impatient with her. She imagined she was melting slowly into the ground, and ardently wished this became reality. She was panicking. This was too improptu even for her. She gave up singing for a reason, and she remembered all those times she's been booed off, and her anxiety heightened. James used to talk her through her anxiety. He used to tell her to focus, and she would. But there was no James to do that for her this time.

Then she heard it.

“Slow down. Breathe.” he said, like a wind that blew past just behind her.

She looked ahead and just missed it. The pairs of confused eyes ahead of her trailing over to her right as they watched somebody walk through.

She took a deep breath, smiled, clenched her fists, and said, “I'm ready.”

***

James watched as Devon's panicked eyes grew wider and wider. She quit singing for reasons he did not understand at the time, but he slowly understood as he watched her. Her eyes darted here and there at the audience, and James watched as Ivan gave Devon a double thumbs-up to which Devon responded by smiling nervously and fidgeting with the mic stand. He knew she was in trouble.

Holding up a finger to his lips, James walked over from the left side of the stage. Everybody quieted down, probably from a combination of interest and curiosity, as he continued on and walked through the stage. From everyone's perspective, it looked like he was just walking through to be his contrary self.

But just when he was about to pass by behind her without missing a stride, he whispered low enough so no one else would hear, but loud enough to reach her ears, “Slow down. Breathe.” and walked on.

***

Bret cued Action.

Devon was looking at the ground with her bangs covering the side of her face. Bret started playing the lone guitar. There were other accompaniments, but the song started with the lone guitar. Alone. This was the new song that supposedly, no one but the band has heard of before. But none of the viewers knew that. They thought, Devon has spent all day learning it.

Devon started singing cued by a cymbal.

Pack up all your things and box up unspoken dreams.
With nothing lost, and nothing gained,
I'll get back on my feet again

Leave the kitchen light on, please.
I won't cry, won't make a scene
Just do this quick, your needle stings

Wake me when you're gone
Cause I don't need to sleep tonight - I don't even care

Will you miss my face?
And how long till I'm replaced?
Your cryptic smile makes me aware
Oh,
You were really never there.

What a tragic waste of time.
Don't act if you really tried.
Erase the blackboard in your mind.

And wake me when you're gone
Cause I don't need to sleep tonight - I don't even care.

It's not like you would even recognize if I'm not even there.

Wake me when you're gone.

But all the things that we were supposed to be
Are all the things that we will never.........say.
Yeah, yeah, yeahhh
Oh
And wake me when you're gone
Cause I don't need to sleep tonight - I don't even care
Its not like you would recognize if I'm not even there
Oh, wake me when you're gone

***

James leaned behind a nearby tree as Devon's voice flooded the night air. He hated it. The lovely sound berating him, it was torture. The words beating him up with invisible punches to the gut was a cruel and unusual punishment. He knew then. He figured it out. It was so brutally obvious.

This was hers.
This was her song. Brush aside the logical facts that this was the NEW song that no one's even heard yet, and yet she knew it word for word, with every single nuance of it down to a tee. He knew it was hers because the song was her, and him perfectly. Respectively. She sang it with brevity and emotion. It was hers, and it was undeniable to anyone who knew her.

He knew that this song was made for him.

And he relished the pain as he fought back tears.

Will you miss my face?
And how long till I'm replaced?
Your cryptic smile makes me aware
Oh,
You were really never there.

Cruel, yes. But not so unusual a punishment after all.

Chapter 13

Devon finished singing and she was eerily calm as everyone else noticed there was a lull in the air. Everyone was hushed silent as she sang and it spilled on till after she was done. Probably because of the no talking on the set rule. Probably because they were all in awe. Sure, there was a burst of cheers after the shock has set. Many of the bystanders were pleasantly surprised by her performance. Because the truth of the matter was, in the world of showbiz, one year spelled eons and everyone forgot that once upon a time, she used to love singing. Everyone was happy for her. Cheering wildly as some cried happy tears. It really was a universal heartbreak song. Everyone present appreciated the expression of heartbreak that everyone else was too chicken to reveal. But Devon didn't notice. She was too busy revelling at how great the mic felt in her hands. Her adrenaline was pumping. She loved this. She missed this. But the mic was back on the stand, and the moment was over.

Her eyes were closed as she put the mic back on the stand, her heart ached. Her movements were deliberately slow in an effort to pace herself. Everything she tried to forget came rushing back, and she was unexpectedly hurting again. She thought she was alright. She thought she was over him. But this song was his then, and his still. Her only consolation was the fact that it was her secret to keep. He didn't know, he can't know. Only Bret, Fretzie, and Ivan knew who she was. Only they knew how she managed to let go of her passion. Song writing became her new thing, secret though it may have been. But even that was partly his too. He shared it with her in however minute way. Wasn't it him who pointed out for the first time that she had written a song? Wasn't it him who made her realize there was something? He sparked it. She worked on it. She learned guitar on her own, and started writing songs for herself.

Fretzie found her at the school quad writing secretly one day, and worked for weeks to steal a song. A song she then gave to Bret, who liked and produced it independently, then showed Devon the first master. Devon cried that day. Tears of happiness. It was the first day she felt herself again since James decided, out of the blue, that she was not worth it. Any of it.

Devon smiled an empty smile at everyone, bowed awkwardly before stepping quietly aside. She knew this was not the time for her emotions to go haywire, but she really had to go. Bret understood. Fretzie and Ivan shared a knowing look.

“I gotta go.” Devon said, leaning in towards Bret's ear.
“I know.” Bret nodded sadly. “Sorry. Desperado eh.”
“It's alright, really. Actually nga, thank you.” she answered. “Nakakamiss.” she added, motioning towards the mic.
“Basta, bebe, I owe you.” he promised. “Sorry parin.”
“Forget about it. Basta alam mo, I lilly love my Tatay Blet.” she chided. Bret smiled and gave her a one armed hug. “You can never say otherwise.”
“I know.” anang binata.

Devon glanced at Fretzie and Ivan, and they both nodded at her. She was glad to have these people as her closest friends, and in a way she felt bad for being such a bother. Without saying a word, they knew what she was going through, and supported her. It felt like that was all she was to them. Someone they needed to look out for. Someone they needed to be supportive of. Devon grabbed her towel from her recliner and waved at their other friends who cheered and hollered at her.

“Di ko na kaya! Kapagod pala! My gosh!” sambit ng dalaga sa mga kaibigan. Nagtawanan ang mga ito. Hindi naman kasi nila alam ang dinadala niya sa loob. As far as they were concerned, Devon was just being her usual self.

“You rocked my world!” sigaw ni Eslove, na sinundan din ni Joe.
“You rocked my world, Devon!”
“Sige na, rest muna ako.” paalam nalang ng dalaga. Nakangiti. Masayang nagkakantyawan ang magkakaibigan habang si Devon ay naglalakad nang palayo. Her heart breaking into a million pieces.

***
“You were great.”
Devon froze. “Huh.”
“You were great out there.” he was sitting on a patio swing at the far end of the porch, and she did not see him there. Had she, she would have gone elsewhere, both of them knew this. Maybe he purposefully kept silent and stayed hidden, but the bottom line was, there they were. Having that alone moment he's been waiting for. He wanted to say something clever. Something spectacular and awe inspiring, something she would have to think over a little, something that will encourage her to stick around and spend more time with him. Except, “That was something else.” was all he managed to say. Of all the things running through his head, nothing significant came forward. He couldn't even come through for himself.
Devon gasped for air before she answered. “Wasn't it?” she said with a slight laugh. “I suppose it must have been.” She didn't mean to be crass. As far as she knew, he didn't know she wrote the song. But her feelings were raw and still newly reminisced, and he was right there. Lurking in the shadows. The fact that James was there before her, the reason for the song, couldn't be helped, but she didn't need him there. Once upon a time, she might have willingly done something quite the opposite of how she was behaving. She might have told him she missed him. She might have told him, she was gonna be alright. It might have been a lie, but it would have been a wonderful lie. Something beautiful for them to share. She might have embraced him as she heard her heart shatter over the words he might have said, and she might have been able to spare a smile for him. A sweet one, a sad one, albeit a smile none the less.
“Trust me, it was.” pasinghot na sagot ng binata.
“Hm.” was all Devon said. Looking absently for stars that were clearly not visible from where they were. “Sure.” she said flatly while her heart was wailing at her to take off. She could not take much more of this. She promised she wasn't gonna break down and cry before him. Not back then, not ever. Atleast Louise had the benefit of being the once-upon-a-time girlfriend. And what of Devon? What was she? She was not even a summer fling. She was not even a love interest. At the end of the day, it wasn't his fault she fell for him. But it still hurt.
“Harsh.” James said, more to himself than to anyone else. He meant to say something more, but Devon quickly muttered an 'I gotta go,' then ran off. Back towards the beach, away from the crowd of people busily orchestrating the tale of her song. His song.

James did not think twice. He ran after her. He needed to talk to her. Sure, he didn't really know what he wanted to say yet, but he'll get there.

Nineteen years old and quite lovesick in ways he's never been before, he was sure Devon was the cure. But Devon was being elusive. He never realized professing love could be so hard! Part of him was worried he has missed his chance. He has just realized that something started once upon a time, but he cut that something short for reasons that seemed smart then, but now entirely trivial. Devon might still understand if only he could explain properly. He can't lose hope yet. Except Devon seemed to run off whenever he tried to get even remotely near her.

***

“Run!” she encouraged herself. She ran for her life. Ran as if hell's minions were nipping at her heels. Her tears trailed behind her in a ribbon of pain as she ran. “Ayoko na. Akala ko ba tapos na? Tapos na...” she nagged at herself as she collapsed at the shore. There was nowhere else to go. There were fences keeping her in, and then there was the ocean. “Akala ko ba tapos na? Akala ko ba ok na? Bakit ganito parin?” she spoke freely. She was emotional and flighty so she took solace in whatever she could.

“Huy. Okay ka lang?” a female voice said. Devon looked up and saw Tricia.
“Ha? Eh, I'm fine.” Devon said, wiping off her tears with the back of her left hand.
“Ows? Parang hinde.” the other goaded, and Devon stared off into the horizon. “Alam ko hindi tayo close, pero pwede ba samahan muna kita? Parang sinasamahan mo lang din ako.”
“Ikaw bahala.” Devon said tentatively. “Wala din naman akong choice. I can't go back there. Atleast not yet.”
“Tama!” Tricia said with a hair flip and a flamboyant flair. “Are you sure you're ok?”
“Wala to.” Devon dismissed. “Eh ikaw? Kailan pa kayo dito?”
“Mga one or so hours ago. Sorry I didn't see your thing. Wala talaga. Kanina pa 'ko nagtatago dito eh.” Tricia slumped down on the sand by Devon. She took out a pack of smokes.
“Oh. Kelan ka pa nagsimulang magyosi?” usisa ni Devon.
“Pasensiya na. Kailangan lang.” Tricia answered as she lit one up.
“One lang. I hate the smell, pero kung kailangan mo... Go.”
“One lang. I promised I was quitting... 3 months na akong clean. Today lang.”
“Sayang.” Devon said, and noticed that the pack was a fresh one.
“Remember si chorvaloo?” Tricia said abruptly. Walang prelude what-so-ever.
“Hm?”
“Well, he's back. At balita ko, he's looking me up.”
“Isn't that ano, good news? Diba inaantay mo siya? Diba it's nice na hinahanap ka niya?”
“Nakabuntis siya ng 14 year-old.”
“Owver! Ano yan? KATORSE?” Devon joked. She knew the boy was atleast 24 by then.
Tricia scoffed. “Diba?” she said. “Alam mo, I could have been that girl. Pregnant at 14, walang alam sa mundo... Akala ko noon, alam ko na lahat ng kailangan kong malaman. I was prepared to ano.”
“Anung ano?”
“I was prepared. Ready na akong maging ganap na babae.”
“Ano, like mens? Hindi ka pa ba nag mens nung time na yon?”
“ANO KA BA? Sex.”
“Oh.” sagot ni Devon, tila naulirat. “Uh, Trish, I'm glad you're opening up to me and all, pero ikaw narin ang nagsabi, hindi naman tayo close. Bakit sakin mo sinasabi to?”
“Kasi kailangan ko ng makikinig, pero parang walang may interest. Walang may time. Saka, pwede tong ikasira ng future ng career ko.”
Hindi na umimik si Devon. She can understand how it feels to need someone just to be there. She can be there for Tricia.
“Ikaw, nandito ka. Pareho tayong trapped. Pasensiya nalang at wala kang choice.” tawa ni Tricia. For the first time, Devon was surprised na makita ang similarity sa kanilang dalawa. Tumatawa kapag mabigat ang nararamdaman, ginugustong mapag-isa. Maka-ilang minuto ring natahimik ang dalawa, may sariling pinag mumuni-minuhan. ”I'm glad that things didn't turn out that way. Pero minahal ko lang talaga yung gagong yun, eh.” Tricia mustered as she defiantly wiped off rogue tears.
“I'm so sorry...” Devon offered sympathetically.
“Nakakatakot, diba?” Tricia said, “Yung, akala mo, tama ka. Akala mo lahat ng facets ng isang bagay napag-aralan at napag-isipan mo na. Gets mo na. Yung akala mo mga ibang tao ang walang alam.” Umiling ang dalaga. “Yung, halos buong buhay mo handa mo nang ialay sa isang tao, yung tipong buong buong faith mo, nasasakanya. As in hinamak mo na ang lahat masunod lamang?”
“Trish, madrama.” Devon said, trying to ease the tension.
“I know, pero totoo eh.” she said, blowing out rings of smoke with a sad laugh. “Nag-away kami ni mommy... I wanted to get into showbiz para makapag-ipon para makapagsama na kami... I was prepared to be his wife.”
“Wow. Trish, I'm all for romance, pero fourteen ka palang nung nag-meet tayo. And Si Chorvaloo, from the previous year. So, thirteen ka palang nun!” said Devon.
“Diba? I had my life ahead of me, and I was willing to give it all to him.” the tears came back. “Tapos dakilang pedo lang pala ang hayup na yon.”
Devon hugged Tricia. She was just confused, and young, and beautiful. She had no idea who she was and what she wanted in life. She was scared, and hurt and betrayed... Devon couldn't judge her. They were in the same boat under different circumstances.
“I could have been that girl. Muntik na. Alam mo ba, kaya pala siya umalis two years ago kasi meron siyang thirteen years old na nabuntis? I mean, grabeng katangahan ba ang meron ako? Ang tanga-tanga ko talaga. Nagpaloko ako. Muntik na muntik na.” she cried.
“Alam mo, bata pa naman tayo eh.”
“Tanga and bata. Bad combination, diba?” Tricia laughed through her tears.
“It's not your fault. It's his. Hindi ikaw ang tanga. Siya.” Devon offered with conviction.
Tricia sobbed on in Devon's arms. “Pero ako ang naloko, Devon.”
“Hindi katangahan ang maloko. Katangahan yung nagpapaloko. He manipulated you. You were played like a deck of cards when you were too young to know better. Hindi katangahan ang pagiging bata.”
“Nahihiya ako sa pamilya ko. I don't know kung anong mukha ang ipapakita ko sa mga tao. Nagpaloko ako sa isang monster!”
“Una sa lahat, hindi ka nagpaloko. Naloko ka.” Devon corrected. “Malaki ang pinagkaibahan. Ikaw ang biktima, pero hindi ibig sabihin papabiktima ka.”
“Pero Devon,”
“Just take it one step at a time, Trish. You're seventeen. You've got your life ahead of you and you can make whatever of it you want!” Devon reassured. “Just take this as a blessing. Nalaman mo ang totoo before it was too late. Before you signed off the rest of your life to him, natanggalan ka ng blindfold, and nabawasan pa ang emotional baggage mo.”
Tricia wiped off her tears.
“Now, you're free to grow into your own person. You can find your true self. This is a learning experience. Masakit, pero tapos na, diba? Pwede ka nang mag-move on.” sambit ng dalaga.
“Alam mo, ikaw palang ang kauna-unahang nakapag pagaan ng loob ko.”
Devon smiled to herself. “Naaalala mo pa ba yung sinabi sayo ni Ate Shey sa bahay ni Kuya?”
“Alin?”
“Yung, matututo ka rin sa mga nangyari?”
“Oo naman.”
“Sabi mo diba, matututo ka naman sa usapan? Pero eto ang mature example sayo.”
“What do you mean?”
“Diba hinamak mo ang lahat masunod ka lamang, tapos mali ka pala? Diba inaway mo pa mommy mo who tried to talk you out of your delusion?”
Hindi sumagot si Tricia, at tumingin lamang sa kawalan.
“Tricia, pareho tayong babae. Naiintindihan ko naman kung gaano kahirap yung mga love-love na yan. Ang malas mo nga lang, tinamaan ka too soon, at yung tumama sayo eh, alam mo na.”
They both laughed a little, basking in a new camaraderie.
“I'm not trying to be insensitive. Gusto ko lang marealize mo na there are lessons na hindi nadadaan sa santong dasalan. Minsan talaga kailangan ng santong paspasan, or even santong sagasaan.”
“Ganto na nga tayo, nagbibiro ka pa ng ganyan!” Tricia laughed.
“Atleast tumatawa ka na. Now, you know better. Mas madali ang buhay kung gagawin mong positive ang mga negative. Heartbreaks into lessons. Ganun.”
Tahimik lang na nakikinig si Tricia.
“Yung mga mahihirap nagiging madali. Yung mga heartaches, nagiging works of art. Yung mga drama sa buhay, pwedeng ipadala kay Ma'am Charo. Pang MMK.” biro muli ni Devon.
“Ano ka ba!” tawa ni Tricia.
“Atleast tumatawa ka na talaga, diba?”
“Oo nga.”
“Kaya mo yan Trish. Matalino ka. Maabilidad. Talented. You're better off without him naman. So, move on. Makakahanap ka naman ng katapat mo eh. Yung kasabayan mo, partner in life. Siguro later pa, pero for now just love what you do. Enjoy life.”

“Devon, bakit ba tayo hindi naging friends?” Tricia asked after a bit of silence.
“Ewan ko. Kasi maarte ka,” Devon said, and Tricia laughed. “simple ako. Mayaman ka, mahirap ako. Kasi nahirapan akong makisama sayo...”
Tricia laughed again. Surprising herself at how much she appreciated the candid honesty.
“Pero ngayon ko lang nakita, hindi lang naman pala tayo magkaiba... May similarities din. Common ground.” Devon said quietly.
“Sana friends na lang tayo.”
“Pwede pa namang gawan ng paraan yan.”
“Friends?”
“Friends.” tawa ni Devon.

Walang kwentang Spoiler::::

Chapter 14

James lost Devon through the brush between the cottage and the shore, and has been running and searching for a while in vain. This was a lot harder than he thought. He forgot that he and Devon used to run together, at his urging even. He forgot how stubborn she was. Not so much forgotten, really. More like, pushed back at the far, far, far corners fo his mind. He remembered that Devon had the power legs of a steed.

As he hunched over to catch his breath, he knew this was not gonna work. He knew he had to come up with a round about way to get to her. Something so circuitous she'd get so tangled in it before she even realizes she had no way out.